


Faceless

by Lack_of_Common_Sense



Category: Gintama
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Dry Orgasm, M/M, Oral Sex, Orgasm Control, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn everywhere, Prostate Stimulation, Slow Sex, Supernatural Elements, There's barely any space left for plot, Uke Gintoki, Wet Dream, a lot of porn, creep-o-factor 6/10, derp, handjob, incubus, so much porn, they have sex a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-06-25 23:28:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15651120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lack_of_Common_Sense/pseuds/Lack_of_Common_Sense
Summary: At first I wasn't all that on board with this, but it really did not take him long to win me over.I have no idea what he looks like... but after it turned out he had Hijikata's face, I was suddenly into it much more than I thought I would. Now he's got me addicted to the idea of Hijikata I've created in my own mind. Having sex with a demon doesn't seem that bad.>>I could vaguely see his utterly enamoured expression in the dark; his lips were parted and he was breathing heavily. Our faces at that moment were probably very similar, his charmed by me and mine charmed by the idea of Hijikata I was desperately clinging to.<<





	1. First Night

“Gin-san, you look… bad. Are you alright?”

I looked up to meet Shinpachi’s worried eyes. I’d been dozing off at my desk, my head resting on my forearms, and I felt exhausted. Because of the extremely vivid nightmares I’d been having lately, I was dead tired, and despite the cold weather outside, I was running a mild fever. I hadn’t told the two of them anything, because I thought it’d be fine, but it gradually worsened and I felt feeble as a fledgling.

“I might have caught a cold,” I said, although I was sure it wasn’t true. “I think it’d be better if you let Kagura stay at your place for a few days. If either you or she caught it, your sister and the old hag would skin me alive.”

He was looking at me with genuine concern and that made me feel even sicker.

“I’ll go and buy some pudding first,” Shinpachi said, then added firmly, “And you go to bed, Gin-san. You’re already an adult, you should know better than this.”

I muttered something vague and watched him leave. Once the door slid shut behind him, I got up clumsily, and with my knees nearly giving in each step, I trotted my way to my room. My futon was still there, and I fell face-first onto it. It wasn’t aired, but at that moment, I didn’t give a rat’s ass. The fact that Shinpachi noticed me feeling sick actually helped a lot. It was shameful, I hated that I couldn’t hide my weakness better, but it saved me.

The door of my room opened after a while. “Gin-san,” Shinpachi entered, “I’ve left the puddings in the fridge, so remember to eat some.”

“’Kay,” I murmured, not bothering to look his way. He stepped closer and covered me with a blanket, which I hadn’t managed to do.

He said something about resting as much as possible, but I did not answer and only waved him off when he said goodbye.

Then, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I woke up. It was dark in my room, darker than it should be. Even in the darkest of nights, I could see street lamps’ light shining through my window.

Not this time.

It was pitch black, and I couldn’t move.

 _Is this another nightmare?_ I wondered. It must have been, because when I decided to open my mouth and attempted to speak, my voice had failed me and I couldn’t say a single word.

To make matters worse, I knew someone – or _something_ – was in the room with me.

No matter how hard I struggled, my muscles refused to respond, so it was impossible for me to turn and look… and even if I could look, I wouldn’t see a damn thing.

It moved closer. I sensed it circle me, and if my hair weren’t curly, it would have risen at the back of my neck. Whatever thins thing was, it probably meant harm.

My blanket got pulled off of me and I inhaled sharply when the cold night’s air chilled my body. Never before had a nightmare been so physically present, so tangible – the intensity of the sensations was too real.

A pair of warm hands briefly rested on my throat. There was no killing intent, but I broke out in cold sweat nevertheless. The entity moved behind me and sat me up, then leaned my lifeless body on their chest. At this point, I was sure they were humanoid, though knowing that hardly put me at ease.

Those hands carefully opened my shirt, then I felt something wet on my neck. _Tongue?_ I shivered. It was my first time to dream about a pervert taking advantage of me, but this couldn’t be anything else. A hand was feeling me up, wandering over my chest, groping shamelessly.

 _Ha_ , I thought when I felt fingertips on my left nipple, _I’m not a woman, there’s no way I’d feel anything there._

“Is that so?” a throaty, manly voice replied moments before teeth sank into my nape harshly. I yelped in pain, my voice only returning for that brief moment. It was as though they broke through my skin. The other hand made its way to my crotch and slipped right into my underwear without scruples; the one on my chest was still rubbing my nipple persistently. My breath hitched when he nicked it with his fingernail.

He chuckled and finally wrapped his fingers around my dick. I knew he was going to do it, but I still held my breath. It was probably because of the fever, but I was extremely hot; I could feel sweat drops running down my face, and my breath got heavier. I needed a drink, desperately so. I hated that I got hard in his hands, but I couldn’t do anything about it. It’d been quite a while since I’d last jacked off, too, so to give me an erection was damn easy.

He inhaled deeply right behind my ear and hummed silently. The hand on my chest disappeared and I thought that he’d finally come to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to give him the reaction he wanted.

Then, he shoved his fingers in my mouth.

My initial impulse was to bite down on them, but I was physically incapable of doing so. I groaned helplessly as his digits started playing with my tongue, sometimes slipping deeper as though he wanted to test my gag reflex.

“If you sweat more, you’ll feel better in the morning,” he said, then he licked up the back of my neck. “So just give in to it.”

 _Fuck you_ , I thought furiously, then shuddered when he thumbed over the tip of my cock.

“Later,” he said. “I’ll savour you slowly, don’t worry. There’s no need to rush.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter is short, the others are going to be longer. Do let me know you're interested in reading further, it's the least you can do. Thankies.


	2. Second Night

Upon waking, my first thought was to check if that disturbing dream left a stain on my morning, and I was glad to discover that my underwear wasn’t any stickier than when I wore it the day before. Surprisingly enough, I did feel physically better, so that bastard from my dream was right. There were no signs of fever, and I didn’t feel any more sluggish than I would any normal morning.

“Fucker,” I murmured under my breath and kicked my blankets off of me. Sitting up properly, I realised how cold it was, and so, cussing further, I scrambled to my feet to get dressed.

Then, a realisation hit me.

The night prior, I went to sleep fully dressed, since I didn’t have enough strength to change. Even so, save for my underwear, I was now naked.

Quickly, I turned to look at my messy bed. My clothes were strewn about the room, in places where they surely couldn’t get by themselves. My obi was near the window, my yukata was in the north-western corner of the room, and my trousers were all the way on the opposite side. My shirt was near the door.

I felt my blood running cold.

Like mad, I rushed to the bathroom. _No way. No way, no way no way!_ There was no fucking way, right? _Right?!_

I ran up to the mirror. On my nape, a bright red and slightly swollen teeth imprint laughed at my misery. Only now it began throbbing, as though it had wanted to hide before I could see it. My skin wasn’t damaged, but just barely – and this was surely going to become a bruise later.

A heavy stone settled in my gut and my knees gave in; I slowly folded myself on the floor, curling up to make myself as tiny and insignificant and invisible as I possibly could. “What the fuck.”

Suddenly, I wanted to hurl.

Things didn’t add up. I didn’t remember that bastard stripping me so violently as to throw my clothes all over the place, but that was just a nightmare – but if that was only a dream, then someone did _that_ to me in my room.

Rather unwillingly, I attempted to replay the dream in my head. The presence of a predator. The touches, how they occurred, and what went down. He did make me come, but my underpants were clean. That made no sense. Obviously, I would _know_ the feeling of my own orgasm.

I had never thought I would be so worried about _not_ having stained my boxers.

He didn’t strip me, he just opened my shirt and jacked me off several times. Weak as I was, I had lost count before my consciousness waved me a speedy goodbye. But that was a dream… and the throbbing bite on my neck and the clothes suggested that somebody actually entered my room while I was out like a light.

I made my way back to my room. The air was cold and there was snow outside, so even if he somehow got in through the window, he would leave wetness on the floor. He wouldn’t be the first, that crazy kunoichi would sometimes do the same thing, but I doubted that she’d…

Wait, would she?

No, no way. She’d stay until morning.

I checked the tatami near the window. It was dry, and the window was closed; when I looked, I found no signs of entering on the windowsill outside.

Distressed, I made a quick round around the entire flat, but I found nothing. Besides my room, there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary. Nothing got taken and there were no signs of trespassing.

Suddenly, I felt like an idiot for running about my apartment in only my boxers. Sighing heavily, I sat down on my couch, resting my head in my hands.

“What the fuck,” I muttered again.

It was at that moment the front door opened and Shinpachi waltzed in, a shopping bag in his hand. Seeing me like that, he froze, then slammed the door quickly and ran over to me, flying out of his shoes on the way. “Gin-san!” he said in a reprimanding tone. “It’s too cold, you can’t sit here like this when you’re running a fever! Are out of your mind?”

“I’m fine,” I got up, lying through my teeth. Well, I wasn’t sick anymore, and that was all I was willing to talk about.

“In that case,” Shinpachi pushed his glasses up his nose, “please get dressed and let’s go.”

“Where to?”

 “I met Kondo-san this morning and he asked us to go help to their headquarters. I told him that at least Kagura-chan and I can help, but not before I check up on you.”

“Great, then I’m going back to bed,” I turned on my heel.

“Nonono, if you’re feeling okay—” Shinpachi began, then cleared his throat, and much more sheepishly, he added, “Just get dressed. I’ll wait here.”

“Wh—” Ah, shit. As if my morning couldn’t get any shittier, he saw the bitemark when I turned around. “This isn’t—Ah, whatever. Alright. Give me a minute.” I stormed off to my room and slammed the door. _Fuck._ So much for trying to protect the last remnants of my dignity.

I got dressed as quickly as possible, and we set off.

There was a while of suffocating silence, and it bothered me so much that after about two minutes, I couldn’t stay put. “If you wanna say something, say it.”

“D-does that happen when you get older?” he said nervously after several moments.

“Does what happen?”

“That when you don’t… get comforted sometimes… you get sick?” Shinpachi was beet red. Surely, he must have thought about it and reached a conclusion that was, thankfully, wrong on all accounts.

“Ah… not to everyone.” Happily, I jumped the cover he unknowingly provided me with. “It’s different from person to person. Sorry you had to see that.”

He shook his head. “I’m just glad you’re okay… and that you sent Kagura-chan away.”

 _If she were there, maybe I could have been spared the humiliation_ , I thought, pursing my lips. Then, I glanced at Shinpachi. It seemed like something was still on his mind. “Was there anything else?”

“I just thought… so Gin-san does that kind of thing too, huh.” He was looking away, but his voice was a little unclear and he was red to the ears.

 _Uh-oh. Don’t tell me that he_ …

“Well, I guess.” I cleared my throat, and not wanting to talk about this any longer, I said, “So what are we going to Shinsengumi’s HQ for? Don’t tell me it’s just to clear the snow off of their yard or something.”

“Nono,” Shinpachi shook his head, clearly welcoming this change of topic. “The snow was too heavy and it seems like a part of their roof has collapsed. Kondo-san asked us to come help fix it. Of course, we’re going to get paid, so there’s no need to worry about that.”

“What a pain.” I ruffled my hair and looked up at the steely morning sky. It looked like it might snow.

When we reached the Shinsengumi HQ, Kondo was already waiting for us, and from the sound of it, Kagura and Sougo had gotten into a snowball fight. Kondo’s smile was somewhat stiff; no wonder, considering the mayhem unfolding behind his back.

“Ah, Gin-san, welcome, welcome,” he waved us over, “come quickly, please. We need to fix things before it starts snowing again, you know? If you’re quick enough, I’ll pay you extra, so please… Also, could you do something about Kagura-chan? I don’t want anything else collapsing, you see…” he said sheepishly, and because I wasn’t an asshole, I ignored the red handprint he had on his cheek. Although Shinpachi said that he ‘met’ Kondo this morning, it was probably more of a ‘he was stalking my sister’ situation, and Shinpachi just wanted to be polite about it.

“Oi, Kagura,” I called, and I heard someone yell and then she climbed over the roof and jumped down.

“Gin-san! Are you feeling okay now?”

Why was it that these people could be genuinely concerned about me? Why was it that I couldn’t accept their care?

“Alright, let’s get to it,” I didn’t answer. “Where seems to be the problem?” I glanced at Kondo.

“The roof above Toshi’s room gave way,” the Gorilla replied.

 _Of fucking course. Because why would universe let me rest, just this once._ Hoping that the bitterness I felt didn’t show on my face, I rubbed my forehead and grumbled, “Let’s get this over with, then.”

“It should snow in the evening,” Shinpachi interjected, “so we better work quickly.”

“Right, right,” I sped up a little, wanting to regain control of my face before anyone could see my expression. I wasn’t sure what emotion I was showing, but it couldn’t be good.

Kondo left us to our devices, saying that he had stuff to do.

My sympathies towards the mayonnaise addict were complex and confusing, to say the least. I hated his guts, and the way he was capable of making anything into dog food was downright nauseating. The smell of his cigarettes was enough to make me feel on edge, and whenever we met, we’d just spout insults until either of us left. He was always cranky and I never saw him relax. Even on the off chance I met him in town while he was in civil wear, he seemed work-ready. At all times, he resembled a wolf, strong and deadly. Even though I’d managed to defeat him before, he became much more dangerous to me over time.

As far as I knew, he didn’t like me much either.

I couldn’t really blame him for that.

He had qualities I couldn’t find in me no matter how hard I tried. Plus, to make matters worse, there was his stupidly handsome face which made women fawn over him wherever he appeared. He was nicely built and his uniform fit him so well it seemed as though they were inseparable.

Perhaps he was the cause of my latest nightmare.

We walked up to his room. Frankly, it was a disaster; the idiots didn’t even think of removing the rubble and snow before we came. There was a hole through the roof and ceiling; it seemed like the snow and frost made the tiles move and since it was heavy, a part of them fell through and hit the ceiling. It would be easy to fix if they called us sooner, but either they didn’t notice, or they figured it was fine for now, or something. Then, however, they let the wet and heavy pile of tiles and snow lay on the ceiling several days. Consequently, the ceiling gave way. Leaving the reason for this aside, it was stupid.

Hijikata was sitting on the porch, smoking. Not much of a surprise there. He had bandages on his head; that probably meant the ceiling collapsed on him. I wondered how bad his condition was.

When he noticed me, he clicked his tongue disapprovingly and looked away.

 _Excuse me?! I know you dislike me, but isn’t this a little too much? I’m here to help you!_ A vein popped up on my forehead. I didn’t say any of that out loud, though. Instead, I eyed the place, trying to see how much had to be done.

“Kagura,” I said, “could you get up there and get rid of the snow on the edges of the hole? If we’re going to fix this, we need it out of the way.”

“Alright!” she seemed a little too hyped; I watched her climb up and chuckled when she started throwing the snow in small balls all over the yard.

“Shinpachi, could you ask someone to get us enough tiles to cover that hole up? I’ll clear out the mess in the meantime.”

“How many is that?”

“I don’t know, you have the glasses so you’re the smart one. You tell me,” I ruffled his hair and grinned at him, even though there was little space for laughter in my heart.

He turned red and ran off.

Thus, I was left alone with the mayo-bastard. I eyed the roof again; Kagura had disappeared from up there and I faintly heard her yelling Okita’s name in the distance. I wouldn’t be surprised if they started dating once she would grow up from being a snot-nosed brat, but gods protect us all should these two become a couple.

“Well, aren’t you lucky, Oogushi-kun,” I said, my tone dripping with sourness, “It seems like even though the tiles are a mess, the structural support is holding up just fine.”

“Thanks for stating the obvious,” he growled. “Hurry up, though, I want my room back as fast as possible.”

“Okay, how about you help me, then,” my eyebrow twitched.

“Oh no, I’m going to sit here and watch you work. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance, after all.” He leaned back and took a long drag on his cigarette.

“Listen, the sooner I’m done with your mess, the higher chance of you having a ceiling above your head,” I stated, bending over to grab a handful of snow. “Otherwise you’ll just have to make do with the roof, and you might not like the aftermath of a snowy night like that.”

“I don’t—” he started, but I was already throwing. My snowball cut him off and he got up angrily, snapping, “I work my ass off on daily basis, unlike you! This is your job and I’m paying you, so get to it!”

“Wait, _you’re_ the one paying? I thought it was the Gorilla…” I hesitated, realising I shouldn’t ask him to help me, since I didn’t know how badly hurt he could be.

“That’s _Kondo-san_ to you! And it’s my room, of course I wouldn’t make Kondo-san pay for the repairs.”

I sighed heavily. _Perhaps I should ask someone to come help._ “As long as you don’t get in the way, do whatever you want,” I said to him, and entered. This wasn’t my first time in his room, but I couldn’t help getting strangely nervous, even though it was currently far from habitable.

 _The payment better be good,_ I thought unhappily and began collecting the bigger pieces in the rubble.

“If you do a shitty job, I’m going to dock your pay,” he said as though he could hear me thinking.

“I would never!” I retorted as I threw a couple of broken tiles outside.

_Especially when I’m working for you, you cocky piece of shit._

* * *

I was alone in my flat, sitting my room, staring into the shadows under my ceiling.

Shinpachi had insisted that just to be sure, Kagura should stay at their place again, and that I should go to bed early to make sure I would recover completely. Since I’d slept for so long the day before, though, I wasn’t sleepy in the least, and so I just made myself comfortable on my futon, feeling time slowly slip by into the void.

_He looked good today._

That thought came creeping into my brain uninvited, but settled down so quickly that I had no time to chase it out. I reached down and unzipped my fly, closing my eyes.

The Hijikata in my mind’s eye wasn’t doing anything special. He just stood there, dressed in his uniform, nonchalantly smoking his cigarette. He was looking my way, but didn’t see me, and I inhaled deeply, imagining the scent of tobacco.

I wondered what he’d say if he knew that I would often do this late at night, thinking of him. Shinpachi was under the impression that I had female company last night, but I’d stopped doing that aeons ago. Instead of that, I would use Hijikata as my side dish.

“Hn…” I clenched my teeth. My dick and hands were covered in precum, and my breath got heavier as I was nearing the finishing line.

Then, suddenly, I could feel _that_ presence again. My arousal faltered so quickly it amazed me. Instead, it was replaced by an inexplicably strong feeling of fear.

 _This is no dream,_ I realised, and with that thought, cold sweat broke out all over my skin.

I opened my eyes. Impenetrable darkness was surrounding me. There was a faint scent, too, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. “You looked better today when I saw you,” that bastard said, and I felt him looming over me. His breath tickled me on my neck, where he had left the bitemark, and I shuddered when he licked over it. “Your sickness is gone?”

“Yeah,” I answered, surprised to be able to find my voice.

“That’s good.” Cold air chilled my body, as he pulled my shirt off me and threw it aside; he proceeded to kiss down my chest. His tongue briefly tickled my navel, then went lower. Without a sign of hesitation, his hands took my dick from my petrified fingers. I could feel air on it when he spoke, “I came to make you feel good again.”

“What’s your angle?” I hissed, hoping that he’d leave me be if we talked this through.

“Tonight, I want to drink your cum,” he replied, and engulfed my dick whole like it was a treat to him.

“What the hell,” I groaned in frustration, then collapsed backwards onto my futon involuntarily. I had no idea what he did to make me unable to lift a finger, but I hated it.

Somehow, just barely, I got my hand to move enough to reach his hair. It was cut short, and soft to the touch. My fingers also grazed something hard on his head, and I shivered. The surface of it was somewhat smooth, and when I curiously tried to determine its shape by touch, I found something unbelievable.

“No way…”

“Hmgh?” he made a questioning sound.

 _Horns._ _Why the fuck do you have horns?!_

“They’re a part of me,” his mouth disappeared off my dick with a soft, wet _pop_ sound. “Do you mind them? I can make it seem like they’re not there if they’re bothering you.” His hands never stopped.

“Stop answering my thoughts!” I growled, then added uneasily, “who are you? What’s your deal?”

“Don’t sweat the small stuff,” he replied, then his tongue circled the tip of my cock. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“You’re already hurting my pride plenty,” I snapped. “I don’t know if you Amanto guys have a different idea when it comes to—”

“I’m not an Amanto,” he interrupted me.

“Then why in the ever-loving _fuck_ do you have _horns?!_ ”

“Shut up and focus,” he did not explain. “If it makes you feel better, imagine whomever you were just thinking of while beating your meat.” His lips brushed over my length, then embraced me warmly once more.

Hijikata’s face flashed before my eyes and just as quickly vanished into the darkness around me. I shook my head. There was no way in hell that proud man would come anywhere near my jewels. Such an image was too unreal.

“Huh,” he stopped sucking me again, and hesitated briefly, his hands stopping.

“What?!” I hissed. “You got a problem?” I asked then, as I quickly came to the conclusion he saw it too.

“No, not at all,” he answered, “The fact you were taking your snake for a walk thinking of a guy makes this easier.”

“Taking my—what kind of expression is that,” I said weakly, feeling him resume his antics.

“I told you to focus,” he ignored me. When that wet cavern of his’ provided shelter for my aching cock yet again, I shuddered; he went deeper this time, and it seemed like he was finally taking this seriously.

He was done teasing. His hands let go of my shaft and he swallowed it whole, humming quietly. I could feel his fingers brushing around the base, teasing my balls, and that small area between my sack and my butthole.* At times, he’d scrape my skin with his teeth, just lightly, and I didn’t hate the mild sting. There was something unlike any of the blowjobs I’d received before, though; a warm sensation started taking over my entire body, a tingling, thrilling sensation.

“Let me come already,” I breathed out, the inside of my mouth dry. For some reason, I was parched, but I wanted to feel him more, wanted him to give me the sweet release he’d been teasing me about for so long.

For a moment, perhaps because of what that bastard told me, Hijikata’s face appeared before my eyes. The thought of Hijikata sucking me instead sent me flying over the edge.

I came hard into his mouth, holding my voice back. I couldn’t see him, but I could feel him sucking all the liquid down his throat, making sure not a drop would escape. Then, the piece of shit backed away, I heard him swallow the last bits, and then he fixed my underwear.

“Thanks for the meal,” he said. “It was delicious.” With that, he moved up to my face and against my will, he kissed me.

I thought it should have been gross. It should have tasted bitter, like my own cum.

It didn’t. There was nothing but the mildly sweet taste of another’s kiss.

“Get some sleep,” he said, ruffling my hair. “You’ve worked hard, after all.”

Those words lingered in the room and I could still feel his lips on mine, even though he was now gone. The last remnants of his presence lay on the room like a heavy blanket as I drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I was gonna say the perineal area, but then I remembered John Oliver and couldn’t stop laughing.


	3. Third Night

I sat up. It was early in the morning, still dark outside, and I was wide awake.

To be honest, I kind of wanted to have bad dreams, a restless night, or at least to wake up sore. That way, the next time the bastard would come – and at this point I was fairly certain that he was going to – I would give him an earful, blaming him for my discomfort. Contrary to my expectations and wishes, though, I had slept like a log and I woke up feeling _refreshed_. There was no physical problem, I was full of energy.

At least, until the moment I realised that today, too, I have to go and unavoidably meet with a certain fucker. In that instant, all the strength I had vanished into thin air. I didn’t want to see him again so soon.

I was certain I wasn’t equipped to handle seeing him this early in the morning. Of course, I wasn’t going to storm in there while it was still dark, but there was no point in stalling once the sun had risen. Especially since I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible in order to shorten the time in which I had to endure his presence.

Breathing the same air as him burned my throat.

I got up to my feet and trotted to the kitchen, hoping to find something to eat. There wasn’t much worth mentioning, and I ended up having plain leftover rice which I hadn’t even bothered to warm up. There wasn’t much of it, either, and I only hoped that I’d get paid today and eat something that would fill my stomach for once.

I was still in my underwear when Shinpachi opened the door, probably wanting to get me to wake up. When he saw me sitting on the couch, eating the last bits of rice, he turned red in the face and quickly slammed the door. “Gin-san!” he said, adopting the tone of a mother berating a disobedient child, though his face told another story. “I’ve told you, you can’t just walk around like this! It’s cold! You’ve barely recovered…” his voice trailed off and he got even redder. “A-Anyway,” he coughed, “I came to tell you that I can’t come with you today. B-Big sis wants me to go shopping, so I’ll come after I bring her the groceries.”

“Are you feeling alright?” I said. The issue I didn’t want to address was so blatantly apparent on his face that I felt bad. At this point, he was beet red, and didn’t know where to look. Meanwhile, the last thing I needed or wanted was to have a confused teenager crushing on me. Not to mention, Shinpachi deserved better. Up until this point, he hadn’t shown any interest in guys, and he would get flustered whenever a girl besides Kagura spoke to him.

I was hoping he wouldn’t tell me, and just move on instead. It was so recent that he was likely very perplexed about it, too. I had wished that rather than getting all bothered about me, he was simply uncomfortable with the thought of someone having sex at the Yorozuya. However, seeing how his reaction was now even worse than before, my hunch was correct and my wish did not come true.

For some reason, Shinpachi had a crush on me.

“I’m fine!” he took a step backwards and looked away, coughing to clear his throat again. “I’ll–I’ll be going then.”

With that, he stormed off.

I got up, stretching.

What was a reasonable adult to do in this sort of predicament? Just ignore it and hope it would go away? Well… that was what I decided to do, at least.

Scratching on my neck, I yawned. The bite mark from that piece of shit was still there and sometimes it was slightly itchy. It became a full-fledged bruise and turned an ugly shade; he really did bite down hard.

While getting dressed, I made a mental note to finally get the kotatsu to work. Not to have it in this stupid weather was hazardous; no wonder I got sick. Even if Shinpachi was a nag, he was right that I should stop walking around almost naked lest I catch another cold.

Reluctantly, I made my way to the Shinsengumi HQ. The Gorilla was already expecting me when I got there, and happily led me back to _that_ room, even though I knew the way better than I probably should have.

He said he was leaving to take care of something urgent, and vanished. I only listened halfway, and I was not sure what he had really said.

The one I didn’t want to meet was lying down on the porch, asleep, even though it was so cold.

What an idiot.

As I stood there helplessly, my unrequited feelings of unnamed nature and unspeakable origin were fiendishly gnawing at my heart, sinking their venomous teeth and claws into its tender flesh. I was at a loss, cursing the day I first met him, loathing the days during which I got to know him better, and fearing the days yet to come, surely filled with his presence. Swallowing hard, I fought back the urge to reach out and touch.

Except, I could never do that. Even within an arm’s reach, he was so far, far away from me, from an unfathomable distance he laughed at me, not knowing how much I wanted to run my fingers through his hair.

Just that.

I didn’t need anything else.

The harrowing feeling of being incapable of lifting my hand. The inability to feel the likely soft, jet black hair under my fingertips. The longing to make sure that his skin was as pleasant to the touch as it seemed.

I inhaled shakily, the inside of my mouth dry, and instead of touching him, I kicked the side of the porch. “Oi, bastard.”

“Ngh… wha?” he rolled over and opened one eye. Upon seeing that it was me who woke him up, a wry expression spread across his stupidly handsome face. “Oh, it’s _you_. Fuck you want?” he growled, sitting up slowly.

“Are you stupid, sleeping outside in this weather? And during the day, too. From now on, you don’t get to berate Gin-san for sleeping in now and then,” I started, pouting, and I was sure I looked like always. Even if I didn’t, he probably wouldn’t have noticed, anyway.

“Shuddup,” he retorted, yawning, “I was busy last night. Kondo-san ordered me to rest.”

“’Course he did,” I nodded, somewhat imitating the manner in which Kagura sometimes pretended to be adult-like, “you wouldn’t sleep otherwise. Without the Gorilla, you’d die buried under an avalanche of paperwork. Oogushi-kun needs to learn to relax, too,” I added and pouted, pointing my finger at him.

Success.

His eyebrow cocked and he got up. “You came here to finish what you started yesterday, right? Do your job, then. I’m going to see if there’s anything that needs to be done.”

With that, he left me behind; yet again, I’d managed to distract him by annoying the fuck out of him. He just made it so easy.

After he vanished behind the corner, I climbed onto the porch where I leaned onto the wall, sighing heavily. As I had thought, meeting him first thing in the morning was beyond exhausting, no thanks to that. I hadn’t eaten a proper breakfast, there was no way I could have enough strength.

I curled up by the wall, suddenly weak in the knees, and I ruffled my hair. “Fucker,” I murmured.

It was always so hard to breathe around him.

 _Heh_.

I glanced around. I was alone, there wasn’t a single soul nearby. Still, I could have sworn I heard someone laugh. All of a sudden, I felt very threatened. That warning bell inside my head which had not appeared for ages, the beast who had been sleeping in my brain now wide awake, sniffing for danger. If it weren’t for this sense, I would have just chalked it up to my imagination, but since it had saved my life many times, I felt on edge for the rest of the day.

* * *

I woke up to the already familiar pitch blackness.

“Fuck.” The cuss that rolled from my lips fell dully into the silence of the room. Luckily, Kagura wasn’t home, and so if anything was about to go down, her innocence was not in danger.

“How rude,” the fiend said, and his weight fell on me, making all the air in my body suddenly want to seek freedom.

“Get off me,” I said once I felt like I could breathe again. His palms cupped my cheeks, and though I couldn’t see him, I was sure he was staring right at me.

“No can do,” he said, sliding his hands slowly lower, and they briefly clutched my throat before he got up and yet again began taking my clothes off. “Not until I have a taste.”

I shuddered. After last time, I already knew that there was something extremely off about him, and though it was clear by now that he was not planning on killing me, it was unsettling how I was at his mercy. He stripped me and I couldn’t do jack-shit to stop him.

Naked and vulnerable as I lay there, unable to lift a finger and unable to look at my assailant, I simply closed my eyes, not wanting to let him have it. If he wanted me to bend to his will, well I was not going to. Even if that meant I was going to be as unresponsive as I could possibly manage, since I couldn’t do anything else.

He chuckled. “Come on,” he teased, running his fingers across my bare chest. “Wouldn’t it be easier just to give in to it?”

“Then you might just as well kill me,” I hissed.

He did not reply and there was a moment of utter silence; I had no idea what he was doing. Then, his hands touched me again gently, and he leaned to my ear. His hot breath tickled my ear as he whispered, “I know what you want.”

There was another moment’s pause. Then, he added, “I know _who_ you want.”

I nearly got a heart attack, my eyes snapping open into the darkness.

That was _Hijikata’s_ voice.

“You can’t be serious,” I breathed out once I could find the words.

“Why don’t you lie back and enjoy it,” he said, and my throat clenched.

If… _If._ If this were Hijikata instead, would I let him do whatever?

… No. Not even then, probably; Hijikata was someone who had standards and it wouldn’t come to this in the first place. Plus, even if it hypothetically _– hypothetically –_ did come to this, my hard-headed, stupidly proud ass wouldn’t just go along with it… but this… This was scary, downright frightening, and all my senses were screaming at me to run for it.

“You humans are so weird,” he commented as he turned me over onto my stomach, and pushed my legs apart. “You’re given the chance to at least _feel_ like you’re with the one you desire, yet you reject it with all your remaining might.” His hands grabbed my hips and he tugged upwards, moving me into a position less than flattering. I had my face buried in my pillow, my butt was high up in the air, and my back arching uncomfortably.

“Stop talking using his voice,” I said, my voice muffled and not nearly as steady as I wished it to be.

“But you _like_ his voice,” he objected, and it sent a chill down my spine.

He was right.

And I hated that.

I closed my eyes in shame, though there was no difference if I had kept them open; he pulled my butt cheeks apart, and I held back a groan of disgust when I felt his tongue slide over that hole a tongue should never get close to.

I kind of knew what to expect, but I wasn’t too happy about it nonetheless. His tongue slipped inside with ease, and I shivered. Somehow, I was yet again feeling that strange heat overcome me, and It would be a lie to say that there wasn’t something kind of pleasant about it.

If only there wasn’t a freakishly long tongue up my ass.

I didn’t want to think about it, but my brain was so fuzzy that I couldn’t even if I tried to. It was wriggling inside of me in a way which was just as mind-blowingly arousing as it was gross. It was my first time being entered by anything, as I never expected to get into this sort of situation, but my dick was hard and it didn’t seem like it’d go down anytime soon.

I clawed at my futon, completely trapped in the odd sensation. My skin was ablaze, and I felt my entire body throbbing; to be aroused to this extent was definitely not normal. My hips bucked and I thoughtlessly attempted to crawl to freedom.

“Don’t run away,” he stopped briefly, and hearing that voice again made my throat clench; even so, I obeyed him unwillingly, at the moment a slave to him. Sweat was running down my skin and I was short of breath, and the longer I was in this position, the more my legs ached, yet I didn’t want to move from him anymore. Instead, I was drowning in the sweet, sweet feeling of being about to cum – and he just kept me on that edge, making my body tremble more and more with each passing second. I arched my back so hard it hurt, lifting my head off the futon.

I let out a strained moan when his fingernails dug into my skin. It was getting hard to breathe; a small part of my brain became aware that I was probably panting and gasping like a little bitch. In reaction to that, I clenched my teeth, but that didn’t help much – I only got dizzier because I lacked oxygen even more than before. I was certain I was red in the face, though I didn’t know if he was aware of that.

One of his hands _finally_ wrapped around my cock and I cried out, cumming and consequently probably staining my bedsheet. Then, I collapsed heavily into it, and though he wasn’t restraining me anymore, I didn’t have any strength left.

He turned me onto my back again and leaned down, whispering still in Hijikata’s voice, “See, wasn’t that great?”

“Fuck you,” I breathed out, unable to respond in a different way. Sure, it had felt great, but oh, the humiliation.

He pushed one of my knees upwards, then slipped his fingers in my ass without warning. I inhaled sharply, weakly struggling against him, but I was powerless. He moved them around a bit, then pulled them out and said, “It’s become so soft inside.”

I turned even redder, and I didn’t say anything.

There was a short pause. Then, he suddenly loomed over me and pinned me to the futon. I barely managed to brace myself before he pressed his lips against mine. I clenched my teeth, but he reached up and held my nose until I gave in. Kissing me so deeply I felt his tongue briefly go down my throat, he moaned into my mouth. I had just come, but his kiss was so passionate I felt that sweet stab in my abdomen, and even though it shouldn’t have been exciting at all, I suddenly felt horny again.

Finally, he let go and cupped my face with one hand. “How about I put it in you next time?” he suggested.

I inhaled shakily. “I don’t want to,” I protested, and I really didn’t like how out of breath I sounded. “You’re gross. What the fuck is wrong with you?! Your tongue was just inside my ass, why would you even kiss me right after? Also,” at that moment, my voice failed me momentarily, “I told you not to use his voice.”

“Shhhh. I _know_ what you like. I _know_ what you desire, even if you don’t want to admit it,” he said in his normal voice. “You’re lost, lovelorn, longing for someone you can’t have. All I want to do is let you have it, even if it’s just an illusion.”

“Have you ever considered changing your approach, then?” I snapped at him. “You’re walking all over a man’s pride! Have some basic decency, would you?!”

“Shhhhhhh,” he said again, but this time I felt my strength slip away like sand seeping through fingers. “Sleep now. You need it…”


	4. Fourth Night

I woke up angry.

There was no way I wouldn’t. Since the moment my eyes opened, it took me about half a second before I remembered how exactly I had fallen asleep last night, and it pissed me off so much that I sat up immediately, the memory of the sweetness of sleep quickly dissolving in how salty I fucking was.

I looked around my room and saw that although he had taken my clothes off, they weren’t strewn about the place this time. He had folded them next to my futon on the ground… and apparently, he tucked me in before he left. Also, though I was butt-naked, which would mean that he was here and stripped me, my sheet and my futon were completely clean, even though I was sure I had jizzed all over it and even fell asleep in that, which would then mean that it was possibly a dream.

Things just didn’t add up. The way it had felt was too real for it to be a dream, but reality was failing to catch up to it.

I still wasn’t sure what his deal was. It was obvious that he wasn’t human, and the way he somehow knew that I wanted Hijikata and used it to his advantage was freaky. I was certain that there had to be more to it than what he told me – he wouldn’t be getting anything out of it otherwise.

The phone rang and I got up to pick it up. “Yessss, this is the Odd Jobs—” I begun, then my own yawn interrupted me.

A lady was asking us to help with getting the snow off their roof. I agreed to come there in the afternoon, as I wasn’t really feeling it at the moment. I wrote her address down, then I began dressing; I was only about to button my trousers when I heard someone stomp up my stairs. Without even knocking, they stormed in; it was a well-dressed man who, upon seeing me inside, pulled a face of relief and leaned on the door frame to catch his breath.

“Y—” he coughed, “You’re the… Odd Jobs’ Gin-san, yes?”

I nodded.

“I need…” he collected himself a little bit, “I need you to deliver this package for me. It’s quite urgent, so please…” he held up a package wrapped in brown paper and bowed his head. “I’m leaving Earth today and have a lot to do, so I can’t deliver it myself…”

“Aha. Okay.” I wore my shirt and walked over to him, taking the package from his hands. It was small and quite heavy, but not as heavy as a bomb would probably be. He didn’t seem like he was connected to Zura in any way, but after that incident, I had to be a little more careful.

There was a woman’s name on it. I checked the address carefully. It was out of Kabuki, but… I looked at him. “I’m afraid I need you to pay me beforehand,” I said. “Since you’re leaving, and who knows when you’ll be back.”

“Of… of course, I apologise!” he pulled out his wallet, rather randomly reached in and handed me a sum… at least six times larger than I had intended to ask for. “Would this be enough?” he asked, but before I could reply, he looked at his watch and turned pale in the face. “I have to go! Please, please, deliver it today, at all costs!”

I didn’t even manage to say goodbye and he was out of the door again. He ran down the stairs, there was the sound of a car and then he was gone. I stared at the money in my hand.

“I guess I’m gonna do that first then,” I muttered, suppressing another yawn.

I was just out the door when Shinpachi appeared at the bottom of the staircase. “Good morning, Gin-san,” he called, and waited for me to come down.

“Yo, Shinpachi. What’s up?” I said, sort of welcoming something this normal.

“Ah, um, I stopped by Otose-san’s, and she’d like us to fix a loose board in the floor,” he said. “Um… not in the shop, but at her place…”

“Aha. Can you do it?” I asked. “I’ve got a deli…” my voice trailed off. “Where’s Kagura? Didn’t she sleep at your place?”

“Yes, but big sis is taking her shopping, or something like that.” Shinpachi scratched his head. “I didn’t ask for details.”

I nodded. If my sister were the same mountain gorilla as Shinpachi’s, I wouldn’t have asked either. “Listen,” I said instead of commenting on that, “somebody called for us to come help get the snow off their roof. I’ve already forgotten the address, but it’s on a piece of paper I’ve left on my desk. I guess not everybody is as dumb as the Shinsengumi buffoons,” I added, chuckling.

“But the snow is really piling up this year,” Shinpachi looked up at the sky. “I don’t think there’s ever been this much of it before.”

“Yeah,” I looked up too. A snowflake landed on my face.

We parted ways and I got on my scooter. It wasn’t very safe riding it in this weather, but the address I had to go to was darn far and if I were to walk on foot, it’d take way too long.

I tried to start it up.

Nothing.

The engine didn’t even cough.

“Piss,” I hissed. There was no point in trying to do anything about it right now. The man said it was urgent, so I needed another means of transport.

As I stood there, wondering what to do, a police car stopped right next to me. I inhaled sharply, blood draining from my face; Okita was behind the wheel, and Hijikata was sitting next to him, looking as cranky as ever.

“Morning, danna,” Okita rolled his window down. “What are you doing in the middle of the road, blocking the traffic?”

“Ah, Okita-kun,” I said, an idea popping into my head. “This thing isn’t working, but I need to deliver something as quickly as possible. Wouldn’t you be so kind and give Gin-san a lift?”

“We’re not a taxi, fuck off,” Hijikata snapped. “Ask somebody else. Or get the damn taxi.”

A mischievous glint appeared in Okita’s eyes; he saw that as an opportunity to irk Hijikata, so he smiled widely and said, “Hop on in, Mr. Customer. Where would you like to go?”

“Sougo, we’re on our way back to the headquarters, what the hell are you trying to do,” Hijikata growled. Okita ignored him as though he wasn’t there. I got into the car and told Okita the address.

“Hmmm, I’m gonna drop you off nearby,” he said, “since that place is not even near to where we’re going.”

I didn’t comment on that, just hummed and buckled my seatbelt.

There was a moment of silence. Then, because I couldn’t stand it, being so close to Hijikata, I said, “Oogushi-kun still owes me money for fixing his roof.”

Hijikata stiffened in his seat, then turned to glare at me. “I haven’t had—” he began, and as he was saying that, our eyes met.

He hesitated.

For several excruciatingly long moments, we stared each other down. Or rather, while he was staring at me for reasons unknown, I was looking at him, admiring every bit of his face. In this small car, it felt like he was closer to me than he actually was, and my throat was suddenly parched. I inhaled shakily. “You haven’t had what?”

“Today,” he said and turned away from me, “I’m going to give it to you later today.” He rubbed his temples. He probably had a headache.

“Hijikata-san has been acting weird lately,” Okita said, stopping the car at a traffic light.

“Maybe he needs to get some action. Take him to a soapland, Okita-kun,” I said once the car started moving again.

“Okay, that’s it. You’re getting out, right now. Sougo, stop the damn car,” Hijikata ordered, glaring at me.

Okita parked the car near the sidewalk. “You might be right, danna. See you,” he called as I was getting out.

They did bring me closer, but not close enough.

I ended up having to pay for a taxi after all.

The house I was meant to bring the package to wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.

I rang the doorbell.

A woman opened the door. She was beautiful, but her eyes were puffy and reddish from crying. “Hello,” I said, “I’ve got a package from… Ah, well, he didn’t tell me his name, but… here.” I handed it over.

She took it from me and upon looking at the address, new tears welled up in her eyes. “It’s him,” she breathed out, her voice trembling. Quickly, she ripped the wrapping, wanting to see what was inside.

I felt awkward just standing there, but for some reason, I felt that I should stay.

She pulled out a thick book out of the package. It was hand-bound, and from the looks of it, there were at least three more of those. She opened the first one on the front page and sniffled. Curiously, I peeked at the writings. It seemed to be some kind of… poetry?

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she looked at me, “thank you for bringing this to me.”

“Are… you alright?” I asked.

She hung her head, looking at the package. “This…” she said, “is a parting gift, but… I’ll hold onto it. I’m sure that if he comes back…” she shook her head. “ _When_ he comes back, he’ll come here again.” Clearing her throat, she looked at me once more. “Pardon me,” she smiled sheepishly. “Do I owe you anything?”

“Not at all,” I forced a smile. “I’ll be going. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

“Thank you. You too,” she said, her smile just as forced as mine. The door closed and I stood there alone with my thoughts.

How wholesome.

Meanwhile I, a coward, couldn’t even face him without fucking everything up. With throat clenched, I turned away, and dragged my feet in the direction of home. Suddenly, I no longer wanted to do anything today, I’d just lie in my bed, and…

… and if I did that, the fiend would come and torture me with Hijikata’s voice anyway.

At that thought, I stopped and looked at my feet. Why was he doing that?! Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? _Find a different victim, you asshole,_ I thought angrily.

There was no reason for him to come every night to me, was there?

I was upset with the way he would just _help himself_ to me. As though I was something to snack on. The way he touched me was pleasant, and that was worrisome. If he were to be rough with me, if he made it unpleasant, if he hurt me badly, I could reject him with all my might, and perhaps I would manage to fight him, too. However, the way things were, I felt that a part of the reason why I couldn’t resist him was that I welcomed this sort of sexual gratification. Truthfully, I hadn’t had many chances to go and get some relief, and the way he just _unlocked_ my body was exhilarating in a way.

If only he hadn’t decided to use Hijikata’s voice.

Sure, I desired the bastard. I wanted him enough to beat my meat to the thought of him, and even by imagining him simply stand there I was aroused enough to cum. I wasn’t sure how the fiend got the wind of this, or how he got to learn the way Hijikata sounded, but if he hadn’t decided to pull such a stunt, I might have agreed to it. So far, it didn’t feel like I’d lost anything, and it became so much easier to get up in the morning.

The most suspicious and concerning part was the fact that he didn’t seem to be getting anything out of it.

Unless…

Unless he was stealing my cum, but why in the silver fuck would he do that? He swallowed it at some point, so if he wanted to…

Wait. How the heck would he even scrape it off my sheet? There would at least have to be some residue, but there never was any. My sheet was clean, even though he made me cum right onto it.

None of this made any freaking sense.

* * *

 Somehow, I had dragged myself home, but it was a snail walk and by the time I got to the shop, it was well past the soap opera airings I had planned to watch. Except… I didn’t even care. Instead, I walked up the stairs heavily and sort of walked out of my shoes, and ended my route by collapsing onto the couch. I didn’t even try to get out of my winter clothes, I just lay there, exhausted.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have walked through this cold all the way back home. Perhaps I should have hailed a taxi.

I heard the door open, and without even looking that way, I said, “Shinpachi, could you make some tea?”

Silence.

I sat up heavily and looked that way.

It wasn’t Shinpachi, but Hijikata who stood there, pulling a reluctant face.

For several moments, we stared each other down, I, the coward, and he, the reason for my anguish. My initial impulse was to send him away, to tell him to come another time, but I also felt that if I sent him away, it’d be suspicious. Therefore, instead of telling him to fuck off, I asked, “Did you bring Gin-san what you owe?”

“Yeah.” He stepped in, walking closer. He stopped right next to me, and as he stood above me, I felt a shiver run down my spine.

_So close._

He held out his hand with the money, and as I was about to take it, he spoke, “Hey… Did…” He didn’t finish, hesitating.

“Did what?” I asked, my heart clenching.

His mouth opened and closed several times like that of a fish, then he shook his head. The envelope in his hand fell to his side. “No, never mind.”

I stared at him. “Well, if you don’t wanna say what’s on your mind, then that’s not my problem,” I said, although my opinion was contrary. The way he looked at me in that one moment was extremely unsettling. His face was telling me that it was some serious matter, something important, and fucking hell, I _cared_ if anything was going on. Unfortunately, it would be unnatural for me to insist on hearing him out.

“It sure as hell isn’t,” he agreed, then added, “Thanks for fixing my room, though.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “As long as you’re paying,” I replied.

“Of course, that sounds like you,” he growled and turned away. “Later.”

“Leaving already?” Even though I was relieved to hear that, I wished I could hold him back.

“I’ve got no business with you besides this,” he barked and slammed the door behind himself.

I waited until his footsteps disappeared in the distance, then I curled up, suddenly feeling like vomiting. There was a heavy stone in my gut.

What the hell did he want to say?!

* * *

 This time, I was expecting him. Since I had gone to bed, I just lay, staring at the ceiling, not wanting to fall asleep.

I blinked, and my eyes reopened to see only darkness. “Hi,” I said sourly.

“Hello,” he replied, sitting down next to me. Again, he was speaking in Hijikata’s voice; my throat clenched painfully. After today’s encounter with him, this hurt more.

“You better not be thinking of doing something, perv,” I tried moving and found that I had no trouble sitting up. Immediately, he leaned on me from behind in all of his weight, throwing his arm over my shoulder. “There’s a kid sleeping in the next room and the walls are thin,” I warned.

“Don’t worry,” he breathed into my ear, causing a shiver run down my spine, “we’re completely isolated. You can moan to your heart’s content, nobody can hear a sound coming from this room while I’m here.”

“Well that’s awfully convenient,” I growled. “Does that mean that if I called for help, it’d be the same?”

“Yeah,” he slowly, but firmly grabbed my chin and turned my head towards him. Even in this pitch blackness, I was sure his face was just a hair from mine. “But you don’t really want to do that, do you?”

“Shouldn’t I know best if I—” I started, but got cut off when his tongue ran over my lips.

“If I sensed you weren’t into it, I would have stopped,” he said. “Your words were contradictory to what your body thought. And I’m not restraining you tonight, but you’re not resisting. You haven’t even tried to hit me yet.”

As soon as he had finished that sentence, my arm shot up with the intention to clock him in the face. He dodged it somehow, and I couldn’t hear or sense where he was at the moment.

“Whoops, I can’t have you doing that,” he said. He tackled me onto my back and pinned my shoulders hard down on the futon. “I don’t understand. Why don’t you want to let me do this?”

“You… his voice,” I wheezed. I didn’t understand why, but I couldn’t speak properly, and each word hurt like trying to cough out a small porcupine.

Something was happening to me.

“I’ll show you what I’m capable of,” he said, “and if that doesn’t change your mind, then I don’t know what will.”

Suddenly, the lights turned on, shining brightly. I closed my eyes, blinded by it, and I felt him fumble with my clothes. I wanted to push him away, but he had rendered me immobile. Those hands caressed my skin gently. From wherever he touched, heat spread again, but this time it was more intense, my body was electrified with even the slightest contact.

He only stroked up and down my chest, massaging me and entirely on purpose avoiding all erogenous zones. Even so, I found it hard to breathe and I felt feverish; and the worst part of it all was that I started getting hard, even though he hadn’t touched me there. “N… No,” I choked out, peeking at him from under my lowered eyelids. He even looked like Hijikata, except for the two horns growing out his head; the dark yukata he was wearing seemed like Hijikata’s as well. My heart nearly stopped there and I screwed my eyes tight shut again.

I caught myself wondering if he copied _everything_.

He snickered, as he probably heard me thinking that. His hands moved to my legs, paying extra attention to my upper and inner thighs; by that point, I was hard and leaking, and… the place he had teased yesterday was tingling a little. My body was shivering and it would twitch whenever he touched; rather than being unable to move, I found that my body had gained a will of its own, as my legs spread further apart without me telling them to.

“I didn’t need to see you to know what was happening, but this is better after all,” he said, his voice trembling with excitement. He slowly traced one finger along my pulsing length. I let out a strained moan, my back arching and my toes curling. I became so sensitive it scared me.

“What did you… do to me,” I breathed out. I felt my ass twitching and it was the weirdest sensation I’d ever had to endure.

He didn’t reply. Instead, he ran his fingers up my sides and began to massage my chest again. I cried out involuntarily when he pinched both of my nipples strongly. He let go immediately after and only stroked the now aching spots.

“Bastard,” I hissed once I caught my breath. When he did that, I got so close to cumming, but I couldn’t. My entire body was drenched in sweat, and the lacking feeling in my nether regions was increasing in intensity. My arousal wasn’t fading in the slightest. “S… stop,” I choked out.

He chuckled and backed away.

I opened my eyes. He was sitting there casually, looking like Hijikata perhaps to mock me, and he was sporting an amused smirk, watching me.

I realised it didn’t get any better, even though he wasn’t touching me anymore. If anything, it got worse; I was in such a state, and he – though on my request – neglected me. My legs wouldn’t close, and I lay there like a live exhibit to him, my entire body trembling uncontrollably. I was sure my face was red. I could feel my tongue dryly sticking to the roof of my mouth as I spoke again, “What… are you trying to do?”

“To make you admit that you want it,” he said. “Aren’t you at least a little curious? What kind of sword he’s carrying? No?”

“Ng.” I swallowed hard, shuddering. Of course I was curious, but I wasn’t too eager to be topped! If anything, I should be the one to…

Bullshit. It didn’t matter to me, and even I knew I was trying to fool myself. The last bits of my useless pride wouldn’t stop getting in the way.

“To answer your unspoken question from earlier,” he said, moving closer, “ _all of me_ is just like the real thing. To the last hair. Except these,” he knocked on one of his horns.

I inhaled shakily. Out of principle, I didn’t want to give in, but the way my ass felt empty was absolute torture.

Through the haze of arousal, I somehow realised that he was waiting for me to openly invite him. Not that he had to; if he wanted to, he’d be able to just do anything he’d like, just as he had before. Even so, he waited, and possibly was going to wait until either I agreed to it, or until morning came. I opened my mouth, and I closed it again. I wanted to say it, but I couldn’t bring myself to. His eyes were watching me intently, and under his gaze, I felt the need to grow stronger.

“Well?” he said. Obviously, he could sense my entire inner turmoil, and only wanted me to say it out loud.

“Fuck,” I cussed, “okay. I don’t care how, just… let me cum.”

“Well done,” he said and got between my legs. My breath hitched when he ran his hand over my abdomen in order to cover his fingers in my precum. Then those digits thrusted in me at once, and I cried out. It was different from yesterday when he gently and softly poked around with his tongue; the sensation was stronger, rougher, and it felt good… but somehow, it still wasn’t enough.

He pulled the fingers out soon, and I whimpered when he did, my hips bucking on their own.

“Wait…!” was the only word I manged to say before he pushed his dick inside, making me moan again. It hurt a little; it was possible he cut the preparation time short entirely on purpose.

In that moment, I regained power over my own muscles, but fuck if I was going to back out at this point. I was hornier than a young buck during the mating season, and I wanted more, regardless of how much I might embarrass myself in the process. He’d tortured me with barren, vain arousal for so long that I only wished for it to end by any means necessary.

Buried in me to the hilt, he leaned closer. “Watch carefully,” he said, “this is what the object of your affection looks like during sex.”

I looked up at him and met with the darkness of Hijikata’s eyes. There was a faint blush on his cheeks, and a focused expression similar to the one I adored so. He locked his gaze with my own, and moved even closer to meet me in a kiss. I received it with a dose of regret and reluctance; his hips finally moved and I clung to his shoulders, sinking my teeth into his nape. At that moment, it was subconscious, but it was a great payback one way or another.

He pushed me down and grabbed my hips strongly, and thrusted in at will with no regard for my virginal ass. “I wonder what he’d say if he saw you now,” he said breathlessly, eyeing me.

I gave him a horrified look as I clung to my pillow. “No,” I gasped, just as out of breath as he was, “Don’t… even… joke about that.”

If Hijikata saw me like this, he’d surely be disgusted.

“Bullshit,” the fiend replied to my thoughts, “you’re a marvellous sight. I’m having a hard time holding back myself.”

 _You’re holding back?!_ I thought furiously. I couldn’t even say it. He was still going, and at this point I was certain that I wasn’t going to come until he allowed it, because much like last time, I was on that _edge_ and I had been on it for ages.

He let out a short laugh and slowed down, just sort of rubbing me deep inside instead, and one of his hands grabbed my aching cock. He leaned down to kiss me, and as soon as he did that, I came hard in his hand with his dick buried deep in my ass.

He pulled out and I heard him say something, but my consciousness was already seeping away through my fingers. Before he pulled out, I was asleep.


	5. Fifth Night

I woke up with the realisation that even though Hijikata stopped by for that very reason, he hadn’t given me the money he owed. Although I really, really wanted to avoid seeing him again so soon, I knew that it would make no sense for me not to ask for the payment.

Could he have left without paying on purpose?

No, nonsense. He wasn’t that kind of guy – that, if anything, was more my shtick than his. Plus, he seemed kind of out of it and confused. Maybe his naps in the snow were getting to him. Only an idiot would be napping out in the cold on the porch.

I sighed bitterly and sat up, scratching my head. What a pain in the ass.

Speaking of, my ass still felt a little weird after the fiend’s visit. It wasn’t painful, but it was as though it didn’t like being empty. I shuddered.

Just what was my body turning into?

I got up and dressed myself quickly, deciding that if I had to face that nicotine addict again, it’d be in my best interest to get it over with as quickly as possible. I left the house without eating anything; Kagura was still asleep and I was hoping that she’d still be once I’d get back. After all, during winter, the darkness of night was reluctant to go away, and Kagura didn’t like to get up before sunrise.

The chilly winter morning was biting at my ears and nose as I walked down the street towards the Shinsengumi HQ. I knew that no matter the season, they’d get up rather early and I was unlikely to come at a bad time… and the sooner I was done with this ordeal, the better, really.

I’ve arrived and asked them to let me see Hijikata because of the payment. They let me in and although I knew where it was, they still led me to his room. I sat on the porch outside, not wanting to enter that place. It was enough that a bastard wearing the same face was bothering me night after night. The sex fiend didn’t smell the same as Hijikata did, and that was, save for the horns, the only difference. However, I figured that if I were to go into the very same room where Hijikata would sleep each night, I’d be doomed. Especially this early in the morning, the room behind my back was most likely full of the scent of a man I was horny for.

I made myself more comfortable, tucked my hands in my pockets and suppressed a yawn. He better not take too long.

These nightly occurrences got me wondering, though. Would I prefer to be entered by Hijikata, or would I want to enter him? Before that asshole started appearing, I’d only jack off to the image of Hijikata I’d create in my brain, stoic and uninterested in my antics. Not that there was any chance at all for me to get my hands on the real thing, but if I somehow managed to do so, what would I want to do with him?

I was honestly unwilling to be done by anyone. The way I got _taken_ last night was unacceptable, and the more I thought about it, the more I was annoyed. When I pictured myself entering Hijikata, however, it felt wrong for some reason. There was no way this proud man would spread his legs for me. Especially since I had been allowed to see the expression he’d probably have while fucking someone. If that wasn’t masturbation-worthy material, nothing was.

A question popped up in my mind. The other day, the fiend sucked my dick. What would Hijikata look like while doing that? I shivered, the thought alone sending a warm sensation through my entire body all the way to my fingertips. I clenched my fists.

I _could_ ask the fiend to show me. I was sure he’d be down, considering that he would be able to have his way with me again, and this time, I’d be willing.

I _could_ also ask the fiend to let me suck Hijikata’s. That was something I would like to do very much. I would be ready to suck Hijikata off whenever, let him look down on me and tug at my hair. Since he said everything was the same, then maybe even Hijikata’s good spots were the same, and I wanted to know them all.

All things considered, it probably wasn’t _that_ bad to have the fiend coming to my room. If I just gave in to it, I could have the time of my life. There was no judgement, no requirements, no downsides I could think of, even though I tried really hard to find some.

I was scared, though.

Afraid that I could somehow fail to discern between fantasy and reality. If I were to agree to it, let him indulge me and satisfy my desires, it was possible that I would somehow stop seeing the difference, and if for example I were to get drunk, doom would befall both myself and Hijikata. The drunk-off-his-ass me was a little too honest with his desires.

Plus… wouldn’t that be disrespectful to Hijikata as a samurai? To jerk off to him in secret was already bad enough, even if I was in love with that bastard, and the reason wasn’t his personality for the most part.

Or, it was, but not the parts of it he showed whenever he was around me. His seriousness, his way of facing problems, his path of the samurai he chose to be, his understanding of the world around him. The way he cared for the Shinsengumi his presence managed to create and unify. Sure, the main person was Kondo the Gorilla, but the Shinsengumi would hardly be the same without their demonic vice-commander.

The way he was while he fought.

Definitely not the way he ate an insane amount of mayonnaise with each and every of his meals.

To be honest, I wanted to give in to the fiend. I wanted to, because he baited me with the image of the only person in the world I would, albeit with great reluctance, very hesitantly and begrudgingly and with a great deal of denial, open my legs for. Additionally, the fiend really had no intention of judging me for anything that could possibly transpire – quite the opposite, actually. He wanted to enjoy my reactions, all of them, without thinking anything bad about me.

I never wanted to expose myself to Hijikata in that way. He already saw me in a bad enough light, there was no need to make it worse for myself. I didn’t trust him not to be disgusted with me in all sorts of ways. That was why I locked it all away and pushed it behind a line I’d promised myself to never cross.

The fiend was smudging that line. I wasn’t sure if he knew, but he was threatening my ability to keep alert around Hijikata, to stay behind that line and not to step over it, ever.

Suddenly, a voice came from behind me. “What do you want?”

My heart nearly gave out in that moment. Collecting myself, I got up so I was standing on the porch, and turned around to face Hijikata, who was standing there, arms folded on his chest. “We say ‘hello’ when we meet an acquaintance, Oogushi-kun.”

“ _What_ do you want?” he repeated.

I hesitated. Both his expression and his tone were extremely uncomfortable. I swallowed hard.

“You came to pay for the repairs yesterday, but you never did pay me in the end,” I explained.

His eyes widened a little. “Ah, shit. Yeah.” There was a pause, then he added quietly, “My bad.”

“As long as you get it,” I shrugged my shoulders indifferently.

“Come on in,” he opened the door. “I’ll give you the money.”

I stood there, hesitant, as he made his way inside.

“Hurry up, you’re letting he cold in,” he said over his shoulder.

“… Right.” Slowly and unwillingly, I followed him, surprised by just how difficult it was for me to step inside. I had been here a number of times before, but the recent events just took my life and turned it upside down, and now I was standing in Hijikata’s room, where I never wanted to set foot again.

“Your room’s cold,” I said, looking around. The futon was still spread out and it was messy, he probably hadn’t had time to take care of it just yet, and the room sure as hell wasn’t aired. I took a deep breath, though I was making sure not to do it too loudly. I liked his smell, too. What a disaster this was.

“Ah… yeah. I prefer it this way. Lately, I haven’t been feeling cold at all. Like when I was sleeping outside. I thought I was going to catch a cold, but I’m fine, except this one—” he stopped and looked at me. “Why am I telling you this?”

“Don’t look at me, I don’t know,” I shrugged my shoulders. “All I want is the money that’s rightfully mine.”

“You and money,” he said with a hint of disapproval in his voice.

“We’re poor,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders again. “I was hoping that this job would feed us for some time, but here you are, stalling with the payment.”

“Like I said, my bad,” he snapped, turning to me. Before I could react to it, though, he averted his eyes, making sure he wouldn’t meet mine, and continued rifling through his stuff. “I’ve got… something on my mind these days and I’ve been distracted.”

“Ohhh?” I dragged that word out, trying to sound as annoying as I could possibly manage. “A woman, Oogushi-kun? Kids these days…” _Please say no. Say no. Deny it. Say no. I don’t want to hear you talking about a woman, not right now._ I inhaled shakily, accidentally filling my nostrils with more of Hijikata’s scent as I did so.

“What—No!” he stopped doing whatever he was doing at the moment. “Are you crazy? Do you think I’ve got time for that? I’m so busy I don’t even have the time to eat, let alone fool around with…” again, he hesitated and glanced at me briefly. “No, no women, fuck off.”

I narrowed my eyes. He was acting weird. The way he denied it was a little too strong, and there were those moments when he’d look at me and immediately pretend that he didn’t.

Also.

My dick started reacting to his voice. I paid it no mind at first, hoping that it would go away, but it only got worse with each word I heard. Thankfully, my winter clothes were concealing everything, so Hijikata couldn’t possibly be suspicious, but I was worried that walking home in such a condition could be difficult, and I couldn’t very well come home to Kagura with a hard-on.

The thought of Kagura cooled me off immediately. “You found it yet?” I said sourly, wishing that I would soon be released from this torture.

“I must’ve misplaced it yesterday,” he ruffled his hair. “That, or maybe some idiot thought that I would generously share this money with them. That sounds like Sougo, doesn’t it? That jerk would do anything to get on my nerves. He’s kind of like you in that respect.”

“Shut up,” I said, then bit the inside of my cheek when I realised I said it aloud.

“Okay, sheesh. Wouldn’t _you_ normally be the one telling me not to get my panties in a twist?”

 _My own panties are in a twist alright,_ I suppressed a groan. He was particularly talkative this morning, and I was not a fan of the increasing discomfort in my crotch.

“No, wait, here it is.” Hijikata fucking _finally_ held up an envelope. It was sealed, but I had no reason to doubt him.

I held out my hand, and he handed it over.

Our fingertips touched.

Only slightly, but somehow my hand jerked away at the speed of light, and I yelped. I didn’t tell it to do that, it just happened and I stood there frozen, my hand high up in the air with the envelope wrinkled between my petrified fingers, my face turning redder and redder.

Way to go, me.

Hijikata’s reaction was different from what I had expected, though. Instead of laughing at me or calling me a weirdo, he stood just as stiff as I was, his face drained of colour. His mouth slowly opened and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he kept silent, staring at me, his eyes widened like never before.

My embarrassment finally kicked in full force. Blurting out “T-T-T-Thank you for your patronaaaaaaage,” I turned on my heel and ran out, screaming the last word on the go.

 _What the fuck was that?!_ I leaned on some wall once I was far enough, and attempted to catch my breath. Both yesterday and today, he was super weird, and the way he looked at me before I made my hasty escape was terrifying. He looked absolutely horrified, as though something terrible happened at that moment.

I inhaled slowly, and looked at my hands. They were trembling. My thoughts were in disarray, and as I set off to make my way back home, my legs felt sluggish and the first several steps were unbelievably hard.

* * *

I was on my futon, as usual, waiting for him to arrive. Soon enough, as though somebody turned out the light, my room went pitch black and there it was, his overbearing presence right next to me. “Hello,” he said, and my throat clenched. He just wouldn’t stop using that voice.

His fingers ran through my hair, then I felt him thumb over my lips before he leaned down to meet me in a kiss.

I didn’t resist this time. Obviously, he noticed, because he asked, “What’s up? You were acting weird this morning, too.”

“What is that supposed to mean, are you stalking me?” I growled. As usual, though we were talking, he wasted no time and proceeded to strip me.

“A bit,” he replied casually. “Just to make sure you’re okay after what we did.”

“Do I look like I’m okay,” I snapped at him, not really asking, and his reply came very much as expected.

“No,” he sat beside me and pulled me into his embrace; I was with my back against him now. “Want me to make you feel better?” One of his hands slid down my chest to my abdomen.

I pursed my lips. “What’s your deal?” I said eventually. “Why me?”

“Because you’re delicious,” he said before licking up the side of my neck. “Exceptionally so. Might be all the sugar you consume.”

I shuddered.

“So… mind telling me why you’re so unhappy tonight?” he said so close to my ear I could feel his breath.

I clenched my teeth. If he wanted to, he could read my thoughts, but he seemed to have decided against that. Instead, he simply asked.

“He’s been… weird lately,” I breathed out. “In these past few days, he… I don’t know what’s going on, and I can’t even ask.”

“Why not?”

My throat, already hurting, clenched even more, and I could barely say it. “I don’t have the right.” What Hijikata and I had was a relationship which did not allow concern. We’d bicker, we’d fight, we’d trash-talk one another, we’d have long pointless arguments about food. That was as far as I could go.

“You humans are unnecessarily complicated,” he muttered. “I don’t understand what’s stopping you.”

“This is probably partly your fault,” I said, attempting to sit up properly and finding that I had no trouble doing so. I turned to him, though I couldn’t see where exactly he was.

“That’s nonsense,” he replied. “I haven’t meddled in your relationship whatsoever.”

“If you hadn’t decided to use his appearance to make me your bitch,” I growled, suddenly irritated, “I wouldn’t have reacted to him weirdly and everything would be normal! I’m just hoping that I won’t run into him the next few days!”

“You can use me as a replacement for him, you know.” I felt him leaning closer, and I leaned the same distance backwards until I couldn’t hold out and fell onto my futon again. He loomed over me. “You can avoid him by day, and have mind-blowing sex with him by night. I’ll listen to your every dirty little wish,” he added in a sultry whisper and pressed our crotches together.

I held my breath. What a tempting suggestion.

“If… if you let me see him,” I let out barely audibly, almost not believing what was my mouth about to say, “we can… do more of this, I guess.”

Immediately, the lights turned on, and there he was, the Hijikata with horns on his head, looking me in the eye with a serious expression. He was wearing his dark-blue yukata. “Now that you’ve consented to this,” he said, “I’ll be going at your pace. Unless I get too into it, in which case I can’t promise anything.” Again, he thumbed over my lips. “Any requests?”

He clearly already knew what I was going to ask for. Beet red, I murmured, “Let me… suck Hijikata’s.”

“With pleasure,” he replied and got off me, making himself comfortable next to me. Taking a deep breath, I sat up and moved closer hesitantly. He opened his yukata a little, though it was only to reveal his chest a bit.

 _Okay, no,_ I thought, _I’m not going to be the only naked one here._ With that, I reached to untie his obi, and I pulled his yukata off of his shoulders.

He was wearing nothing underneath.

I swallowed hard, my trembling hand reaching out to feel his skin on its own accord. In a trance, I trailed my fingers along his toned muscles, halfway expecting him to dissolve into mist, shatter like the frailest of glasses, vanish like the vague memory of a dream; up until recently, I wouldn’t dare hope that I would ever be allowed to get as close as this. Even if the one in front of me wasn’t _really_ Hijikata, it was his body, his face and voice, and I had permission to feel him and admire each and every bit of him.

Taking an unsteady breath, I leaned even closer, both of my hands now stroking his chest slowly, still in utter disbelief. My gaze travelled lower and lower, and I shuddered slightly when my eyes reached his crotch. Immediately, my mouth began salivating, and I reached out to touch _it_ nervously.

I glanced up at him. He was watching me intently, with a hint of anticipation in his expression, as though the had wanted me to do this for a long time. Closing my eyes, I knelt between his legs and only by touch I found where to put my mouth.

He wasn’t who I really wanted.

However, unlike the real thing, he wanted _me_.

There was no specific taste. It was… something, but just like with his smell, it was so vague as though it wasn’t even there. It filled my mouth and I immediately knew that I wasn’t going to be able to do much. I hadn’t had enough experience with this, and even though I wanted to learn all about it, wanted to know its shape and all of his good spots, my gag reflex wouldn’t allow me to do as much as I would have preferred. Even so, I took him in eagerly as deep as I could, relishing in the thought that even though it was but a dream, I had the freedom to explore. He got hard quickly and my own dick throbbed happily in response to that.

I licked the underside of his cock, and upon reaching its tip, I circled it with my tongue, then I mouthed at it sort of randomly, just wanting to feel it.

“You really love him, huh,” he said suddenly, just when I tried to suck on it properly again.

I opened my eyes and looked up at him, not backing away. He was looking down on me just how I imagined he would; a thrilling buzz ran through my entire body. There was desire in his eyes, and there was no way I’d regret anything if I could see Hijikata like that.

“The look of absolute delight on your face makes me want to rob you of it,” he said, his voice low and slightly strained. His hands moved to my head and clutched my hair abruptly so hard it hurt, though only briefly. “Worshipping his cock like some sort of holy object.”

I paused, realising that he sounded almost _envious_.

“What an absolute waste,” he breathed out and instead of letting go of me, he suddenly grabbed my head strongly and knelt up, forcing my mouth down his shaft.

“Mmf!”

Even though I should have choked, I only met with discomfort. It could have had something to do with his weird powers, but my gag reflex was suddenly gone. It was still uncomfortable and slightly painful, the way he shoved himself down my throat, and in reaction to that, tears welled up in my eyes.

Finally, for once, I had an excuse to let them fall freely.

I felt one of them slowly roll down my cheek. He kept on thrusting into my throat, his grip on my head firm and unrelenting, until I began blanking out. It was difficult to breathe.

Suddenly, he pulled back – moments before I received a facial. I only barely managed to close my eyes.

He grabbed my lower jaw and sat down in front of me. “Asshole,” I muttered, almost backing away when I felt his breath on my cheek.

He chuckled. “Sorry,” he said, then his tongue ran up my cheek, licking away the mixture of my saliva, his cum, and my tears. “I couldn’t resist the temptation. Let me clean you a little before we move on.”

I sat still, letting him lick my face. Admittedly, it was disgusting, but it didn’t really matter to me in the end.

At least, not until he suddenly kissed me again, and this time the taste wasn’t something I’d enjoy. While still holding me in place, he explored the inside of my mouth with his tongue, making me thoroughly taste his own bitterness.

Although it seemed to fit, seeing as my own situation with Hijikata was bitter enough, it ticked me off. “Gross,” I said when he let go of me.

His hand reached into my crotch. “Oh, but you came while I was facefucking you,” he whispered with mirth in his eyes, “and you’re still hard.”

“So are you,” I retorted. “What were you thinking, suddenly pulling shit like that?”

“I’m jealous of the man whose face I’m wearing,” he pushed me backwards onto the futon again. “I’ve never seen anyone so pleased and yet so afraid of touching someone else. You looked like you were in pain, but at the same time you were so fucking happy. That asshole should be grateful for this array of feelings you have for him.”

“Why would _you_ be jealous? You’re in it just for the sex, and you’re the one I’m doing this with,” I said with suspicion.

There was a spark in his eye, but he didn’t say anything in response; instead, he leaned down and captured me in a kiss. I let him push one of my knees up to give him easier access to my ass. It was still beyond weird, and when his fingers pushed their way in me, I grunted softly.

“Uncomfortable?” he murmured against my lips. “I can fix that if you’d like me to.”

“How?” I asked, and immediately regretted doing so when a familiar wave of warmth began rising through my entire body. I knew what was up; last time he did this, I was a panting mess, asking him to do me.

I didn’t hate it, and it was liberating in a way, but it was just as scary; the fact that I could feel it so intensely was making me nervous.

“Let me show you something good,” he said under his breath, and his fingers moved a little differently.

“Ahh!”

A high-pitched voice I should not have been able to make escaped my throat. My legs were shivering madly, and if I were standing, I would have probably collapsed onto the floor. “Wh-What the fuck—Ngh!” He did it again and I threw my head back, blindly reaching up to clutch his shoulder. My other hand reached down in an attempt to grab his wrist, but failed.

He licked up my now exposed throat. “Good, huh,” he chuckled, persistently massaging that spot inside me. His lips clung to my nape and sucked to leave a mark, and while he was doing that, that hand of his which wasn’t poking around inside me found its way to my chest. Probably because of that strange spell I was under, my nipples were very sensitive and when he thumbed over one of them, I began feeling a little dizzy. It didn’t get better when he began rubbing it.

“Sto-op,” I choked out. It was a little too intense; I couldn’t focus, my skin was drenched in sweat and all I could do whenever he grazed that one place inside me was to claw at his back helplessly.

“Aw, but you don’t mean that,” he whispered knowingly before nibbling at my collarbone. His fingers pressed into that one spot again and I whimpered; my legs wouldn’t stop trembling, it was as if they were filled with gelatine, I had a small pool of precum on my stomach, and my dick felt as though it was about to burst.

He wouldn’t let me, though. Bastard knew well exactly how far he could push before I’d reach orgasm, and made sure not to cross that line. He wouldn’t touch my dick, either, he just enjoyed watching me squirm, taking his sweet time teasing me.

“Come… on,” I groaned in frustration after a while. “If… you’re gonna do it, do it.”

He chuckled and pulled his fingers out with a wet sound, then reached for a pillow. Somehow, I lifted my hips up and he stuffed the pillow under me before I collapsed onto it again; my legs felt terribly weak.

The tip of his cock pressed against my entrance, and then, he just stopped and _waited_.

Our eyes met and I could easily see on his face that he was mildly amused by my frustration. He was aware that I wanted him to do it, and he knew full well that I did not want to voice my wish. Even so, he waited, that piece of shit.

I waited, too. This time, I wasn’t going to give in.

“Ah, fine,” he sighed eventually, slightly disappointed, and grabbing my wrists, he slammed himself in me in one go.

I cried out, my insides convulsing, the sensation of his dick rubbing against the spot he had sensitised making my vision go blank. I screwed my eyes shut, the sound of skin against skin filling my brain. I listened to it and to his breath while my spine was arching so hard it ached, and with each thrust of his hips I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper. He wasn’t even trying to be gentle at this point, and I didn’t have the energy to think about it; instead, I succumbed to the heat.

I came, and my own semen hit my face.

It was rather sudden, since I had expected him to deprive me of it as he had before; he, however, didn’t even pause, and continued pounding mercilessly into my hypersensitive body. “Wait, stop,” I begged him breathlessly for the second time that night, but he paid it no mind.

His hand grabbed my cock and I couldn’t hold back a desperate groan when he started stimulating it.

“You’re so…” he breathed out, then he leaned down to me to kiss me again. The kiss we met in was clumsy and sloppy, not at all coordinated with the movement of his hips; I grabbed onto him and didn’t let go, digging my fingernails into his back, clinging to him for dear life.

His pace changed, slowing down, and he began sort of just grinding inside me in a way which made me completely lose control of my voice. I felt his lips on my neck, just under my ear, and he nibbled there lightly before leaving another mark. His hand on my dick was still moving, not letting me rest.

My toes curled up and my feet were cramping when I came for the third time; again, like before, I bit his shoulder to suppress the sound struggling to escape my throat.

For several moments, we were in the same position, unmoving, only panting heavily. Then, he pulled out slowly and lay down by my side, skin to skin.

I could feel my entire body trembling. I hadn’t expected sex to ever feel this stunning; I was dizzy and out of breath, and now that the pleasure high was slowly wearing off, my body started to ache and I would be cold if he weren’t right next to me.

“So… are you going to tell me what’s up with you?” I asked once I thought I would manage; my speech turned out to be surprisingly coherent.

“Do you know what an incubus is?” he whispered into my ear as he wrapped his arms around me. One of his legs found its way between mine.

“I’m guessing… that would be you,” I said.

“I suppose we’re better known in the west,” he chuckled. “An incubus is a male sex demon; some of us visit humans in their dreams. I’m a lot greedier, though,” he added, slowly running his fingers down my bare chest. “Just the illusion you see behind closed eyes doesn’t create nearly enough or as delicious sexual energy as proper, skin-to-skin contact.”

“So I’m really pretty much food for you?” I mused. It seemed sort of interesting.

“Yup. Adorable food,” he grinned at me, groping my ass shamelessly. “Don’t worry, your life isn’t in danger. It would be a waste to go after it when you’re such a delicacy.”

“Right… so… what happens with my cum?” I wanted to know, choosing not to react to what he said. “It’s never there. And it should have been, considering.” I reached between my legs; I was dry, as though I hadn’t come. My face had no traces left of it, too.

“It’s a cherry on top of a good meal,” he licked his lips. “There’s no way I’d let it go to waste, is there?”

“How would I know,” I yawned. “I don’t understand how that works.”

“I’ll be going,” he said, sitting up abruptly. “Good night. See you tomorrow.”

“Huh? Okay,” I replied, but I was already barely conscious. Though pleasant, it was extremely exhausting; since he was feeding on my energy, though, it made perfect sense. “G’night,” I murmured, but at that point, my room was already empty.

I somehow managed to cover myself with my blanket, and facing a completely different direction than usual, I drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a [muma] (夢魔) or an [inma] (淫魔) in the Japanese culture; both words refer to a demon who appears in people’s dreams. However, after checking multiple dictionaries, I have concluded that neither of these has to be necessarily sexual, they’re simply a nightmarish apparition. An incubus, however, primarily does have that connotation, so I chose to imagine that the incubus used an English word, which is why Gintoki did not know it. Remember, this is Edo, except instead of Westerners it’s aliens.


	6. Sixth Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had intended to post this earlier, but real life got in the way, as it usually does.

I got up, refreshed. The outside world was still submerged in the darkness of night and I was, yet again, fully rested. Nothing hurt and I felt good, it even felt good to get up, which was something I had not experienced in a long time. Everything was perfect – except for this one little stab of guilt I felt. Last night, I had used somebody with Hijikata’s face to do the nasty. Even though the man I lay with wasn't too bothered by it, I sure as hell was. Not that it was bad. Admittedly, it was pretty great and my whole body felt lighter the morning after. Just… each such evening was going to make any encounter with Hijikata nearly impossible to handle. How the fuck was I supposed to face him now?!

I decided to make breakfast before Kagura would wake up.  That, at least, was something meaningful. Rather than moping over my failings as a human and giving in to my desire, I chose to do all I could to make it up to the two kids depending on me. Them and the gigantic alien dog. Obviously, they had no idea what was happening, and I was glad that they didn’t. Kagura did not suspect a thing and though the more attentive Shinpachi was aware that something was up, he only thought that there was something so ordinary like a woman whose services I’d pay for. For him to learn that his Gin-san would allow to be bucked by a demon up the ass, that would surely be too much of a shock.

There was the issue with Shinpachi's feelings, though. Being in a similar situation, I knew far too well that if I stepped even a little out of line, it would only fan the flames and his crush would take a turn for the worse. I wasn't sure how to deal with this issue, and if he were to confess, I would surely panic. Telling him it's bad falling for a man would be pot calling the kettle black, and saying that I'm not interested in playing with kids was, though true, bound to bring trouble later, since he might take it seriously and it would come bite me in the ass later. Despite all that, I didn't want to hurt him in any way.

Unrequited love was just as painful as rejection, though.

If Hijikata found out about my feelings for him, he'd tell me off big time, and I would be doomed for good; the sun would never rise again for me. The fact that I already knew about Shinpachi's was bad enough… yet I still had to reject him. If nothing else, he deserved better.

That, and I didn't – couldn't – see him as a partner, with or without Hijikata in the picture.

Among other things, thanks (no thanks) to the fiend, I began finding out more about myself than I would prefer, such as that I liked being held. It helped that the fiend was, according to  his own words, a sex demon, therefore very experienced in what he wanted to do with me, and that he assumed Hijikata's appearance in order to get under my shell.

His hands on my skin and his heated touches were the sweetest hell.

Shinpachi would never be able to let me have something like that. Plus, I wouldn't want to do anything with him either; just the idea of it sent an unpleasant chill down my spine. Fuck no. What did he want to do with me, anyway? Judging by his maiden-like reactions, he probably either had a wet dream about me at some point, or did the same I used to do before the fiend’s appearance – masturbate to the image of the man I liked, that is. One way or another, I couldn’t give him what he secretly hoped for, though.

Sighing, I decided to wake Kagura up. The light outside came lazily creeping in, so it was about time.

Soon after that, we were sitting on the couch and eating. Or rather, I was on the couch while Kagura decided to make herself comfortable on the floor, cuddling up to Sadaharu. It was pretty cold, after all.

I remembered the kotatsu again. _I really need to get it working,_ I thought.

“Gin-chan…” Kagura looked up from her sixth bowl, her voice worried even over all the rice she had stuffed in her mouth. “Did you have a bad dream last night?”

I froze, my heart skipping a beat. My hand hovered over the rice cooker. “I dunno, why?” I asked carefully.

“I heard you making noises several times.” She leaned back into Sadaharu's fur. He was napping behind her, entirely oblivious to everything around him.

 _Uh-oh._ A cold sensation began spreading from my fingertips. _Even though he said I couldn’t be heard…_ “What kind of noises?” I asked, dreading her answer.

“Hmm… Crying, maybe?” she said after thinking about it a little.

“I wasn't crying!” I defended myself immediately, relieved that her conclusion was off the mark enough. I might have had tears in my eyes last night, but the noises I made were not because of that.

“Don’t worry, Sadaharu and I won’t tell anybody. Gin-chan is a grown man, so if somebody heard about it, it would be embarrassing, right, Sadaharu?”

“I appreciate you looking out for me,” I said, sort of playing into it. I had to save my face at all costs.

“As compensation, I want seconds,” she held out her bowl.

“Seconds? This is like at least sevenths,” I shook my head, but let her have it. With the money I had received recently, we had no trouble getting by for the time being.

Nightmares stopped being an issue after the fiend’s first visit. Each night he drained me so much I slept like a log without disturbances, and I found that rather comfortable. Even though it also meant that I would wake up earlier than I was used to, I welcomed not having to wake up in cold sweat with my heart wanting to jump out of my throat.

However, if these fun times meant that Kagura would hear me, then we needed to stop immediately. I didn't care what he thought about it. That shameful secret leaving my room was absolutely out of the question.

The door opened and Shinpachi entered. “Good morning,” he greeted the two of us, glancing at me awkwardly. Thankfully, Kagura with her nose hidden in her bowl could not possibly notice, but I wished he were a little better at hiding his newly discovered feelings.

“Morning,” I replied, then added, “I was going to give you a share of the money I'd received yesterday. Is now okay?”

“Ah, yes. Of course,” he nodded, pushing his glasses up his nose.

I got up and made my way to my room, listening to his footsteps following me. It was probably not a good idea to be alone with him, considering his circumstances, but since I had chosen to pretend as though I hadn't noticed, I had little choice but to act as if nothing was happening.

I took out the envelope with money Hijikata gave me. I hadn't opened it yet, and now that I was holding it in my hand, a heavy stone settled in my gut. The way I freaked out yesterday was embarrassing, but his reaction to it was far from anything I could have expected, and now that I was clutching the slightly wrinkled envelope, the unpleasant memories came flooding back.

Why the fuck would he react as he did? I didn't recall doing anything to him, yet he acted as if he were allergic to me. What made me flee then was his expression; it was a face full of unspeakable torment. There was nothing else I could have done but run away.

“Gin-san?” Shinpachi's concerned tone brought me back to Earth. “Are you alright? You’re just staring at the envelope you're holding…”

“Yeah, sorry.” I turned to him, scratching my neck sheepishly.

His gaze followed my hand, and he turned red abruptly. “G-Gin-san!” he said, his voice shocked. “You stayed at home last night, didn't you?”

“Yeah?” I said, unsure why he asked that.

“What are you thinking, bringing women here with Kagura-chan around,” he whispered, his face both sad and disapproving.

“What?” I said just as quietly.

He tapped the side of his neck with his fingers in an all-telling gesture.

Blood drained from my face. I'd completely forgotten that the fool of a sex predator made some very visible hickeys last night, and that l, swept away by the heat of the moment, failed in telling him not to do that. Kagura did not seem to have seen them, but Shinpachi was much more attentive and this couldn't have slipped past him unnoticed. Especially since he began crushing on me.

It was pointless trying to explain that I brought no-one here last night. The hickeys on my skin were probably pretty obvious, and I had no plausible excuse for having them.

Looking away from me, Shinpachi rifled through his pockets. “Here,” he said eventually, holding out a couple of band-aids. “Let me hide them, at least. It's going to be obvious to other people, but as long as Kagura-chan doesn't realise…”

Ashamed that he was being more of an adult than I could ever manage, I nodded, letting him come closer. Meticulously, carefully, so that they wouldn't be crooked, he placed them on my skin one by one. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, examining his focused expression. He was slightly flushed, and I was sure I understood why.

Clenching my teeth, I handed him the entire envelope, hoping to get rid of it. “Here,” I said, “buy your sister something nice.”

“Are you sure?” he hesitated. “That looks like it's a lot of money.”

“I owe you some pay, so it's fine.” I ruffled my hair. Before I could say anything else, Kagura peeked in.

“Gin-chan! I'm going to walk Sadaharu, okay?”

“He woke up, huh,” I murmured under my breath, and I waved her off. “Sure, sure. Don't cause any trouble, okay?”

“We would never!”

After she ran off, Shinpachi and I remained alone in the flat, staring at each other. Eventually, he heaved a sigh, turning to go to the living room. I followed him reluctantly, not feeling too great about myself.

“I don't know what's going on with you lately, Gin-san,” he said as he sat down, “but I'd like you to know that you can… rely on me. Okay?” His face was beet red.

 _Amazing_ , I thought. No matter if he realised that what he said could be interpreted both ways, he was talking to me normally, like he would before realising his feelings. He could be honest with himself, at least, whereas I sure as hell couldn't, and my relationship with Hijikata got progressively worse ever since I had come into terms with the fact that I wanted to beat my meat to him.

“I'll try to watch it,” I said instead. “Thanks for being considerate. If there's anything you can help with, I'll make sure to let you know.”

“O-Okay.” Shinpachi nodded.

Awkward silence filled the room.

What did I use to say before? What would we talk about under normal circumstances? I wasn’t sure.

The ring of our landline freed me from this torment soon enough. I quickly picked it up, hoping for a job.

* * *

 I was sitting on my futon, waiting for him to appear in order to tell him off.

This time, the room did not turn dark, he was just suddenly leaning on my shoulders from behind, and one of his hands immediately slid down my shirt. “Hello,” he said, rubbing my nipple.

“You… can’t you show up like a normal person?!” I snapped at him instead of responding to his greeting, grabbing his wrist over the fabric of my shirt.

“No,” he replied, his hand lightly scratching my skin. Most likely on purpose, he grazed my nipple with his fingernail, then he sort of rolled it between his forefinger and thumb. I shuddered, turning my head away from him. “If I did,” he continued, “your kid next door would see me, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to waltz up to your place with this appearance.”

That was very much true. I swallowed hard when he squeezed my nipple a little more. “Hey…” I muttered, “you said I couldn’t be heard outside of this room…”

“Huh?” he made a questioning sound, letting go, then he circled me to sit in front of me.

“Today, Kagura said she heard me.” I looked away again, most likely red in the face. “I can’t be moaning and begging for more with her behind this _really_ thin wall!”

“I guess we’ll have to shut you up, then,” he said, and with that, he tackled me onto my back uncompromisingly. His hands rolled my shirt up and he groped me without regard for my half-baked protests. His cheek brushed mine when he leaned in to whisper, “You're already hard, you pervert.”

“I noticed,” I replied sourly. Tonight, he smelled a little similar to Hijikata. I wasn’t sure why. Perhaps he decided to add that scent to make the image of Hijikata nearly perfect. If that was the case, it worked as intended. My heart felt as though it was about to leap out of my chest, and I wanted to embrace him and be embraced, to feel his weight and taste his tongue.

He kissed me deeply, continuously groping my entire upper body. Each and every sound that escaped my lips got immediately swallowed; I let him go on, my mind suddenly blank. His tongue was softly touching the inside of my mouth, gentle, but persistent.

Our lips parted and I whispered, my voice trembling, “We really shouldn't. I don't trust myself to keep completely quiet…”

“You flatter me,” he said, a victorious glint in his eye. “Unfortunately for you, I have no intention of stopping.”

“Asshole,” I hissed, then bit my own tongue harshly when he shoved his hand into my underwear and went for my ass immediately, pushing a finger inside. Though he hadn’t used any lube, there was no resistance, but at this point, I wasn’t even questioning it. He could probably create his own lubricant just by thinking about it.

The initial discomfort was lesser than before, and as soon as he grazed the spot from yesterday, I whimpered, my insides relaxing into his touch on their own accord.

“Shush,” he said and kissed me again before adding a finger; he pushed them a little deeper while his other hand cradled my head, not letting me budge. I placed my palm on his shoulder and pushed against him, but to no avail. These efforts of mine soon ceased, though, as I was slowly getting drunk on Hijikata's scent. I longed for more, hoping to burn everything about him into my memory.

“Tonight,” he breathed out, “I'm going to teach you something great. And since we have to make sure you don't make a sound, it's perfect.”

“What do you mean?” I demanded an explanation, but it fell on deaf ears, and he just continued stretching me  down there wordlessly, his efforts unwavering.

“You know,” he sat back up eventually, his fingers never leaving my ass while his other hand moved to muffle my moans, “I could show you what's behind the horizon of pleasure. There are so many ways I could do you. If it were up to me, I'd fuck your brains out so well you'd never want to have anyone else. Even that tool you're in love with wouldn't be enough to satisfy you; then I'd show you my true form and make you fall for me instead. If you wanted me rather than him, I could lead you through all the worlds of lust I know, unveil every mystery of carnal pleasure you could possibly imagine, and all of those you couldn't even think of…”

As he whispered those words of jealousy to me, he forced two of his fingers inside my mouth. Despite everything, I chuckled through them; it seemed as though he started to understand what it was like to be unable to reach someone.

I wasn't sure what he meant by things not being up to him, though. Perhaps he needed my consent, but I had a hunch that it was something else entirely.

“I _don’t_ require your consent,” he replied to my thoughts. “I want it, though. It’s much better when your partner is willing, you know? Although you being contradictory is cute, too…” he moved his fingers in order to hit _that_ place again. I bit down on his fingers instinctively. He pulled them out of my mouth again and covered it properly, stifling my voice with his hand.

“To be honest, there is this odd feeling I have,” he added. “Even though I don’t want to do anything without your permission, I also want to smother all your senses in pleasure. What you experienced yesterday wasn’t even a sliver of the amount of ecstasy I could bring you. I want to drown you in it, and to fill your lungs with myself when you gasp for air. I love seeing you incapable of anything but trembling in arousal.”

I held my breath briefly. He seemed on edge, less in control of himself than before, and there was a hint of something very human in his voice – desperation. He leaned in, then began moving his fingers in me faster, kissing down my neck. It felt as though he was more erratic than before, too. Last time, he was still quite level-headed, touching me all-knowingly; tonight, though, at times he didn’t know what to do with his hands. There were moments of hesitation.

Hesitation… and thirst, longing, want, insatiable lust. Though he, perhaps because he saw the bandaids on my neck, avoided sucking in visible places, he started making kiss marks pretty much anywhere he could reach. I liked the feeling, but it was sidelined by the sensation of his fingers tirelessly working around that place inside of me. Thanks to the hand over my mouth which was not only blocking my voice, but also sort of holding me in place, I could only squirm helplessly, my toes curling.

He applied more pressure; my hands clutched the futon beneath me and my entire body jerked violently. “Mmh!”

“Hold it,” he whispered, pulling his fingers out.

My eyes widened in shock. Though I felt like I was coming, nothing would come out, and all strength left my body at once. I lay there with legs apart and shivering, my vision blank for an unusually long time.

“That,” he said as he loomed over me, moving his hand out of the way so that he could kiss me, “was a dry orgasm.”

“What the… did you do,” I somehow managed to say before his lips fused with mine. His slick tongue slipped right in, rubbing against my own in a wet kiss, and one of his hands held my jaw firmly to prevent me from moving away. I was out of breath, and there was wetness in my eyes; I reached up to his hair to grab a fistful of it, then I yanked his head back forcefully, locking gazes with him. My face was probably a mess, because he made a smug expression.

“I stopped it for you,” he grinned. “Isn’t it a great feeling?”

Before I could answer, he pulled my still trembling self into his lap. I hadn’t noticed him undressing, but he was naked all of a sudden; I sat there with a raging erection under me, his scent making my head spin.

“Ready?” he asked, his hands moving to the underside of my upper thighs.

“Gimme a mo…” I began breathlessly, but before I could finish my sentence, he lifted me up and lowered me on his dick in one go. I threw my head back, not managing to completely stop the moan which struggled to escape my throat. It wasn’t too loud, probably, but at this point I couldn’t be sure, because all I could hear was white noise and my own heartbeat.

I closed my eyes. He clutched my hair and brought me closer into a kiss, then with his other arm wrapped around me, he began rocking his hips.

Gently.

Slowly.

Agonisingly so.

I couldn’t move on my own, being still completely drained of all strength, so it was up to him to set the pace and depth; he went in and out so slowly that my brain had no idea how to process it. I embraced him tightly, my back arching so that I would be as close as possible, and I let him kiss me continuously, losing track of everything. Forget thinking straight, I couldn't think at all; the world around us ceased to exist, it was just I and his embrace, his taste on my tongue, his grip on my hair, and his throbbing cock up my ass. I somehow mustered enough energy to actively reach down to my own dick to touch myself, but as soon as I did, he let go of my waist and grabbed my wrist.

“You're not allowed to do that,” he briefly broke the contact of our lips just to say so. Anything and everything I could have wanted to respond with was silenced when he ran his tongue over my mouth and helped himself to it.

Still holding my wrist, he brought my hand to his shoulder, then he grabbed my waist again and slammed himself in with an unexpectedly powerful thrust. I whimpered into his mouth, scratching down his back. The heat consumed me completely, and I managed to sort of move along with him, once again giving in to my lust.

“You're not making it easy, tightening around me so much,” he whispered, stopping suddenly; he let go of my hair, and grabbing my lower jaw, he gazed at me to admire the results of his work. Then, a mischievous smile appeared on his face, and he moved his hips again, causing a strained sound to escape through my clenched teeth. I glared at him.

He only chuckled and licked up my throat before diving into another kiss.

The way he moved his hips changed; somehow, he managed to rub that spot teasingly, always pushing me a little closer before not allowing me to come.

My skin was drenched in sweat, and since he never did bother with stripping me tonight, the fabric of my shirt was soaked and my nipples were tingling underneath it, because the damp cloth rubbed against them too much. Plus, my shirt was sticking to both me and him, and the more he sweated, the stronger Hijikata's scent was.

I freed my mouth from his lip-lock and nosed at his nape, breathing in as much of the bewitching smell as I could. My tongue darted out and I tasted the saltiness dripping down his neck; I was so high on it that I didn't even notice that the position of his hands changed. Now, he was holding my hips, and that allowed him to repeat what he did earlier; he began thrusting into my ass, and I had to bite down on his shoulder to shut myself up. My legs wrapped around him and I wasn't willing to let go.

“Wait,” I gasped in his ear, “I like it better… when you go slower.”

I felt him throb inside me; he slowed down immediately, again going at the snail pace from before, and he pulled the collar of my shirt aside to make a hickey in a place where it couldn't be seen.

He pushed me backwards on my futon and pinned my shoulders to it. I opened my eyes to look at him; his eyelids were lowered and he was looking down at me from behind a curtain of eyelashes, there were droplets of sweat running down his face, and his chapped lips were slightly parted, making him look hungry for me. His eyelids fluttered open and I met his feverish gaze with excitement, shuddering. What a sight. This man’s arousal, his lust, his full attention, all but a dream, something I would never reach in real life… but I was almost satisfied with it.

I grabbed his hair and pulled him down to capture him in another kiss. Surprisingly enough, it seemed to have caught him off-guard, because he froze for a split second, then he thrusted his hips strongly, and ate away all the sounds that escaped my mouth at that moment. I came, my vision completely blank.

“I could just do you all night long,” he breathed into my ear.

There was a short pause in which I attempted to collect myself and get back at least some of the oxygen I lacked. “Or you could just come tomorrow,” I managed to say eventually, gritting my teeth when he pulled out. “Unlike you, I need to be able to get up in the morning, and that means a good night’s sleep.”

“I’m sure you’ve never had any trouble sleeping after being in my care,” he said playfully, nosing at my nape.

With hands still trembling, I reached down to fix my lower half. As usual, none of the liquids that escaped my dick, be it precum or the real deal, were there, and I was dry as though nothing had just transpired. _Convenient,_ I thought, though my brain was becoming a little muddled. “You’re right,” I murmured, “but if we do it all night, who’s gonna sleep in my stead, ha?” Right after I said that, a huge yawn took over my face.

“I’m just going to have to come see you tomorrow, then,” he chuckled, gave me a peck on the forehead, and then, he was gone.


	7. Seventh Night

“Gin-chan!” Kagura came running towards me, snow flying everywhere as she was deliberately kicking it with her feet. “Did you see?”

“Yep, I saw,” I said, nodding, even though it was a total and complete lie. I was currently sitting in front of Gengai’s workplace, and I was waiting for him to fix my darn kotatsu. He was surprised when I showed I did have the money to pay for it right away, but started fixing it without complaining, even told me that it was okay to wait until he was done.

I breathed on my fingertips. They were freezing and I wasn’t able to feel them completely; I’d forgotten my gloves at home and only realised that at Gengai’s. Unfortunately, my lazy ass couldn’t be bothered to go back and get them, because that would be two more trips between our place and Gengai’s, and even though it was not that far, it seemed terribly inefficient. Therefore, I was just sitting there, rubbing my hands together and breathing on them occasionally, hoping for a miracle.

Instead of a miracle, a snowball hit me in the face. I jumped to my feet, and watched the cackling Kagura hide behind Sadaharu, who did not seem very interested in her antics at the moment. The Yato girl had managed to tire him somehow and now, well past lunchtime, the dog was exhausted and just lay on the ground, not caring much about the cold. I kind of wished I could have a fur coat like that.

I grabbed a handful of snow, intending to pay Kagura in kind. Girl or not, I would be a poor excuse of a man not to defend myself. I hurled the snowball in her direction and quickly ducked when another came flying. 

As I scooped up snow to make another, a sudden thought flashed through my mind. Since I couldn’t keep quiet at night, perhaps it would be better for her to stay at Shinpachi’s for the time being.

Not that I wanted to get rid of her or anything; I treasured her dearly, of course, and for that exact reason I was convinced that she shouldn’t be tainted by whatever might unfold behind my closed door. She didn’t need to grow up listening to a grown-ass man moaning like a little bitch, either. 

We hadn’t seen Shinpachi today yet, and I decided to swing by their dojo later to maybe work out things with Otae, although under the pretext of seeing what was up with our Megane-kun. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her that her little brother whom she worked so hard to bring up was crushing on me, but I kind of figured that would be bad. She might kill me in a fit of sisterly love. It was probably just temporary, anyway, and I had absolutely no intention of laying a hand on that kid.

An hour later, I was soaked and cold and on the way to Shinpachi’s. Kagura ran ahead, not wanting to go slowly with me, and so I walked by myself. Thankfully, Gengai agreed that I could pick up the kotatsu later, and thus I didn’t have to haul it along. Kagura had helped to bring it there and I was hoping she’d help me on the way back, even though I was planning on convincing Otae to let her stay a few continuous days at the dojo.

I did have a vague idea of what I wanted to tell her in order to convince her. It couldn’t be the truth, for obvious reasons, but I was hoping for an affirmative answer. Unfortunately, she could be unpredictable, and I couldn’t be sure she’d agree to it.

Briefly, I stopped at a street corner, realising how warped I was. Essentially, I was now trying to create space in order to have sex with a demon without disturbance and worry. Then again, I was desperate, and desperate times called for desperate measures. For me, the demon haunting me was a salvation – so resemblant of Hijikata that they were impossible to tell apart, he gave me, a man lost in the desert of his own longing, fresh water to drink. Meeting Hijikata after was awkward, but not as horrendously painful as it used to be. He managed to take my nightmares away, too, and I more than welcomed that fact, especially since a lot of them were Hijikata-related.

When I arrived to the dojo, Kagura had already gone inside and I could hear her talking to Otae about something with great interest. Bitterness clutched my heart as I inhaled deeply – these two kids were so preciously innocent, and I felt increasingly bad for the both of them. Having me as an example wasn’t good for either of them in most cases, and even though they knew that already… 

I stepped in. 

“Oh, Gin-san, there you are,” Otae peeked out the door into the hall. “I was wondering if you’d come. Shin-chan’s got a stomachache, but he asked me to tell you to come to his room in case you stop by. We’ve tried calling the Odd Jobs, but nobody picked up. Kagura-chan said you were having your kotatsu fixed?”

“Yeah,” I nodded in confirmation. 

Even though I had something to talk with her about, I’d decided to stop by Shinpachi’s room first. I wasn’t sure what Shinpachi wanted to tell me, but I had a hunch and I wasn’t too happy about it. 

Upon entering his room, I sensed a heavy atmosphere and my heart sank. Surely, there could be no other reason than…

“Yo, Shinpachi-kun,” I said, sitting onto the edge of his bed. 

Shinpachi opened his eyes and upon seeing me, he turned red in the face. Nervously, he groped for his glasses, and as soon as he found them, he sat up and put them on. “Gin-san… Hello,” he said, swallowing hard.

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“A little better,” he said, though his pale complexion under that blush suggested otherwise.

“Your sister said you wanted to talk to me?” I continued digging my own grave.

“I wanted to apologise for not letting you know early on that I wouldn’t come to work today,” he looked down at his hands.

“Well, not like it could be helped, could it,” I shrugged my shoulders. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll just dock your pay,” I added jokingly.

He chuckled dryly and bit his lip. “There’s also… one more thing,” he said uneasily.

I froze in the expectation of incoming doom. 

“I-I think I like you,” he murmured, his cheeks reddish. Sure, he was cute in this moment and all, but I felt a chill run down my spine.  _ Shit _ . Even though I knew this was coming, I wasn’t prepared for it at all.

“Of course you do,” I said, deciding to act as though I had no idea what he was on about. “Who doesn’t like Gin-san? Everybody likes Gin-san! I’m a delight to be around.” Maybe it was time for us to lessen our time together. At least until Shinpachi somehow got rid of his childish delusion that I might be the right one for him.

“No, I mean…” Shinpachi pushed his glasses up his nose. “I’d like you to think about this seriously. The truth is… I, I—” he struggled for several moments, “I’m attracted to you… I think.”

I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Shinpachi. I… there’s someone else. I can’t… return your feelings,” I spoke hesitantly, understanding far too well that regardless of the way I reject him, I was going to hurt him inevitably.

“The lady you were with back when you got sick?” he asked, hugging his knees.

I kept silent, not wanting to answer that. First of all, there was no lady; second of all, yes and no. 

“I understand,” he mumbled eventually and hid under his blanket again. 

Awkwardly, I got up and left the room and made my way to the guest room where I assumed Otae and Kagura would currently be.

I was mistaken, though – when I entered that room, there was just Otae there, sitting on the ground at the table. “Where’s Kagura?” I asked, looking around.

“Bathroom,” Otae shrugged her shoulders. “She left just a moment ago.”

“I see, that’s how it is,” I said and sat down, watching her pour me a cup of tea. Her cooking has always been terrible, but the tea she made wasn’t something that could kill me on the spot, so I took he cup from her hands and took a sip. It was lukewarm. “Actually,” I said, “I’d like to ask you for a favour.” 

“Oh no, Gin-san, I’m not that sort of a woman,” she shook her head and covered her face in a joking manner.

“Not  _ that _ kind of favour,” I played along, showing a shocked expression. “Seriously, though,” I added, wanting to get it out of the way while Kagura was gone, “I… wanted to ask you if you could maybe let Kagura stay over for a night or two.”

She stopped hiding her face and looked at me. “Why?”

“It wouldn’t be good for her to be there, currently,” I replied evasively.

“Kagura-chan is strong, though.”

“It's not that kind of thing. Nothing dangerous. It's…” I leaned in and whispered, “I need to be alone for a few nights.”

She narrowed her eyes disapprovingly. “Go to a love hotel for that kind of thing.”

“I'd be setting a bad example, coming home smelling of someone's perfume,” I objected.

There was a long pause. Then, she looked me straight in the eye. “Alright,” she said, “I’ll ask Kagura-chan if she’d like to stay at our place for a few days. In return,” she added, her expression serious and tone formal, “reject my brother.”

I choked on my tea. She knew?! Her eyes weren’t moving away and the longer we stared each other down, the more I was sure that she was well aware of what went on in Shinpachi’s silly head. Man, a woman’s intuition was scary. Collecting myself, I took another sip. “I already have.”

* * *

With Kagura gone, I had thought I would be able to do it with him without worry, but the longer I thought about Shinpachi and how he confessed to me, the worse I felt and the more guilt weighed my conscience. There was little to no reason for Shinpachi to fall for me; eventually, I came to think it might have been the sex fiend’s influence. Maybe his vibe rubbed off on me and Shinpachi was brushed by it when he saw me naked with kiss marks on my skin. That seemed as the most plausible explanation, anyway. 

If I were right, then it was the fiend’s fault as well as mine, and if that were the case, then I had done something unforgivable to Shinpachi. Under these circumstances, he had fallen for me only because of my desire for Hijikata, since that was likely what had lured the fiend to me in the first place.

With such thoughts bothering me, I wasn’t as much up for a good dicking as I was for wallowing in self-hatred. Unfortunately, I was also very  tired, so my eyelids eventually became too heavy and I could no longer stay awake. 

Later, in the middle of the night, I woke up on instinct. He was looming over me with a wolfish grin. “Hi,” he said and leaned in to kiss my forehead, while his hand wandered lower.

“I don’t want to do it tonight,” I said, pushing it away from my crotch. He hesitated briefly, and our eyes locked; I could see him think it over, then he lowered his gaze and sighed heavily. I noticed his horns were gone this time, and I found it slightly surprising; it made me a little nervous, too. He looked just like Hijikata now, and that made it even harder for me to go along with him. Not that I was planning to this time, though.

“You don’t feel like it, huh,” he stated, and backed away a little. I let out a sigh of relief; as long as… 

I never got to finish that thought. Suddenly, everything went dark, and I felt something soft cover my eyes. He forced my mouth open, and even though I sat up to push him off me, he slammed me back down onto my futon with force I’ve never felt him use on me before. Some sort of cloth filled my mouth and he tied a long strap over it to make sure I wouldn’t spit it out. When his hands stopped touching me for a moment, I attempted to reach up and take the blindfold and gag off, but as soon as I moved, he grabbed my wrists and turned me onto my stomach, twisting my arms behind my back. 

“Unfortunately for you,” he breathed out next to my ear, leaning onto me with weight Hijikata himself would never have, “I’m really hungry tonight, so humour me.” 

Under the blindfold, I screwed my eyes shut when I felt something wrap around my forearms, fixing them in place, and I clenched my teeth, ready to receive any pain he might have in stock for me.

Instead, his hands tugged my pajama trousers down and slowly slid across my skin from my lower back over my ass to my thighs. They stopped there and I inhaled shakily when he stroked back up and his thumbs went as far as they could get while remaining between my legs. He, too, was trembling, touching me as though he was afraid of himself. His fingers massaged my legs slowly and gently, stirring me up, not letting me not to go along with him.

“You’re hard,” he chuckled under his breath and it sounded relieved almost, as if I had the power to resist him. 

His hands pulled my ass cheeks apart and his tongue lapped at that tiny opening before poking in softly. I grunted; though I had already experienced this, it felt just as weird as before, if not weirder because of the blindfold and gag. He began kneading my ass slowly and I bit down on the cloth in my mouth when I felt his tongue slide deeper. Soon, his hands tugged my butt a little upwards, then one of them went between my legs to grab my dick.

“Sweet,” he pulled away from my ass abruptly. I whimpered, but before I could comprehend what was going on, he turned me swiftly onto my back while simultaneously pushing my knees apart. “You taste so good. Everything about you is just… I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone so desirable before. Are you sure you don’t want me instead of him?”

Obviously, I couldn’t answer, so I just thought,  _ Yeah, I’m sure, but I can’t have him, so I don't know why you’d even ask. _

He didn't respond. His fingers pushed their way inside my ass, and I threw my head back, swallowing hard. The inside of my mouth was unpleasantly dry because of the cloth, and I struggled to breathe. My mind was hazy, and I was already drenched in sweat. 

I felt a light touch on my dick, then he licked up the underside before taking it in his mouth. It was still weird how long his tongue was; even though he was bobbing his head up and down, his tongue never stopped licking around, and eventually I could feel it wrap around the base of my cock. Tightly. The ring it formed moved along with the rhythm of his head, but the embrace was much tighter; with him doing this and his fingers up my ass, I soon felt like coming. Sensing that, he sped up even more, and didn't even flinch when I shot my load down his throat. 

He licked it away to the last drop, and as he backed up a little, I heard him sigh, “Ahhhhhh… fresh is best after all.” He pulled his fingers out, and grabbing my hips, he dragged my ass into his lap, setting my legs on either side of himself. I expect him to just put it in, so my eyes snapped open under the blindfold when I felt him gently stroke down my chest. Bound and gagged as I was, I couldn't do anything, and that made me naturally more alert and sensitive. Each and every touch was electrifying, especially since I had just come. 

He travelled all over my body, lingering sometimes briefly before continuing to trace my muscles. Before he reached my nether regions, I was hard again; the uncomfortable position I was in didn't have any effect on the level of my arousal. To think I was against it at first… 

I felt him nudge at my entrance with his fingers again. Perhaps to make sure I was still relaxed, he pushed them inside and moved them a bit before pulling them out. When he finally lifted me up a little more in order to line up with me and thrust it in, I groaned, my fists clenching helplessly. I liked feeling his warmth deep inside of me, but I wanted to be held close just as much, yet he was so far away despite being buried in me to the hilt. 

For a while, he was like a statue, unmoving; he didn't even tremble, he was just kneeling there with his cock up my ass, and I had no idea what was going on inside his head. Eventually, I couldn't bear it and I clenched around him as much as I could to wake him up. He shuddered and his hands clutched my hip-bones tightly. “Are you sure stirring me up is a good idea?” His voice was hoarse and I inhaled sharply upon hearing it. “And here I was trying to calm down for you,” he added with a chuckle. “You're in for a treat.” 

Without even pulling out, he turned me face-down into the same position I was in back when he first put his tongue in me – kneeling with my face pushed to my futon and my ass high up. His hips moved backwards slowly, then he thrusted forwards, and I yelped despite the gag in my mouth. I could feel him twitch upon hearing me, and his grip on my waist tightened. Subconsciously, I attempted to crawl away from him, my entire body shivering feverishly.

“Don’t think you can escape,” he said in a deep, raspy voice, and hearing it sent a shiver down my spine. He was right, I couldn’t escape – not because he was restraining me, though. I had trapped myself in my own desire with no way out. The poisonous warmth I felt in my gut wasn’t subsiding, and even though I knew it wasn’t good for me to drown in this feeling, I didn’t want to go back up to the surface of the sea of lust. Instead I was sinking further to reach the lowest of lows.

I could feel myself throbbing in the rhythm of my own heartbeat; the contact of his rough palms with my skin was exciting and had me craving for more. Before, when he pushed me down forcefully, I experienced a vast array of emotions. 

One of them was thrill. 

It wasn’t the kind of thrill I had tasted while in danger. It was similar, but this one surged through me at the speed of light and went straight to my already painfully hard cock. 

I hadn’t expected to have interest in this, and I had no idea there was such a side to me. However, now that I became aware of it, I wanted to feel it more. I was already close to another orgasm, but I somewhat expected him to let me explore this properly. Likely, being an incubus, he could sense what he had awoken in me.

True to his nature, he pushed himself deep in and embraced my body, lifting me off of the futon so I knelt nearly upright. The position we were in was mildly straining, but my legs were giving in for a different reason altogether. His arms provided support for me, and I inhaled unsteadily when one of his hands made its way up my chest and stopped on my throat. Slowly but surely, his fingers tightened their grip. 

Goosebumps broke all over my skin and I enjoyed the new feeling. His long tongue lapped on my neck and I could feel his other hand scratch my inner thigh. With heartbeat drumming loudly in my ears, blinded by darkness, I could feel myself falling prey to the heat he was emanating. 

It was great, but it lacked something.

_ Hey, _ I thought, hoping that he’d hear.  _ I want to kiss, so would you at least get rid of the gag? _

Immediately, he stopped and pulled out, letting me fall to the side rather than setting me down carefully. His fingers clumsily traced along the tight gag; it took him a while to untangle the knot. As soon as my mouth was finally free, there were immediately hot lips on mine, and my aching tongue met with his own. Even though I was still blindfolded, I could somewhat imagine what he looked like while doing this. 

His hands, trembling slightly, caressed my face and combed through my hair.

He pushed my knees up to my chest eventually and re-entered me, grunting softly as he did so. Soon after, his mouth clung to my nape, suckling and biting gently here and there, eating away my sweat. His breath grew irregular, and the movement of his hips became quicker. Unable to hold onto him, I curled up instinctively to be just a little closer, and when he touched my dick, I came immediately, collapsing onto my futon lifelessly.

He pulled out and I heard a silent cuss roll down from his lips. “You’re a mess,” he breathed out eventually, “I love it.”

“Stop dicking around and untie me,” I grumbled, attempting to sit up and failing colossally. He chuckled and sat closer to me, then pulled me into his embrace.

“I don’t want to,” he murmured, squeezing me tightly. “You look amazing like this.”

“Bullshit,” I retorted and struggled vainly, “release me already. You’re not hungry anymore, are you?”

“No,” he admitted and reluctantly began undoing the knots on my arms. Once he was done, I reached up and took off the blindfold myself, blinking into the light.

“Shit, this actually sort of hurts,” I mumbled, rubbing my reddened forearms.

“No wonder. Were you aware of how much you struggled?” the fiend asked, nosing at my nape. 

“Not really,” I shook my head.

“Tonight was spicy,” he whispered into my ear. “I think I could go for a dessert.”


	8. Eighth Night

How did I end up in this predicament?

I curled up by the wall, looking upwards. The sky was cloudy and it seemed like it might snow soon. _Just my rotten luck,_ I thought, glancing at Hijikata, who was walking around the pit in a vain attempt to try and get some reception to call for help. It was too deep and his phone, which was a really crappy one, too, showed no signs of being functional.

Luckily, neither of us broke anything when we fell down. The snow we landed in made our fall end as well as it possibly could have.

That, however, was also where our luck ended. It was so deep that even if one of us got up on the other’s shoulders, we wouldn’t reach the edge. To make matters worse, the temperature dropped abruptly yesterday and at the moment it was the coldest it had been in years. My hands were numb even in my gloves and I felt shitty in general, and seeing Hijikata definitely did not help my current state in the slightest.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed, stuffing his phone back into his pocket.

“Shinpachi and Kagura are going to find us eventually,” I said, looking at him, “why don’t you calm your man-tits, Oogushi-kun?”

“Shut up,” he snapped at me and _finally_ turned to face me properly. I swallowed hard; he had dark circles under his eyes and seemed as though he hadn’t slept properly for ages. His complexion was unhealthily pale, and as he stood there, I could see and hear his teeth chattering with cold. Fatigue was apparent in both his face and posture, and now that I could see him up close, I noticed that his lips were more chapped than usual.

“You look terrible,” I assessed his situation and got up. “I bet you overworked your ass, and if we do nothing, you’re going to get sick.”

“That’s… none of your concern,” he said, and with an impeccable comical timing, he sneezed.

“Here,” I took off one of my many layers of clothes. I was heavily dressed anyway, and I couldn’t stand the thought of him getting sick – for numerous reasons. The first of the two more important ones was the fact that he was a cop and kept the city and the Shinsengumi in order, and the second one was my selfishness. Hell, I’d rather get sick myself if I could keep him healthy that way.

He looked at the overcoat I was holding in my outstretched hand. “... Are you serious?”

“Like I’ve never been before in my life,” I replied, my voice echoing hollowly in my own head. “Don’t fuck around and wear it.”

“Are you shitting me? No!” he protested, and I shook my head.

“Listen, I bet you’re wearing nothing except your uniform, and honestly, you look like ass. We don’t know how long it’s going to take people to find us, and this hole isn’t big enough for us to move around much, either. And,” I added, shoving the coat into his hands forcefully, “I doubt you have anything to make a fire with, so just take it without complaining. You need to keep warm.”

“Why should you care?” he wouldn’t give in.

“Do I have to beat you up first before you accept my help?!” I snapped and uncompromisingly wrapped him in the coat, even though he struggled against me weakly. Then, although he didn’t seem too on board with that, I decided to go bold and get under the coat with him. Only hoping that he couldn’t hear my frantic heartbeat, I said, “It’ll be better if we share body warmth.”

He didn’t say anything, he just stood there all tense. When I glanced at him, he looked away. Close as we were, I could see each and every detail of his face, and I cursed the cold silently; being so close to him was unbearable, but it was either this, or letting him get sick. I could smell the usual scent of his cigarettes clearly and although he was stiff as a board, the back of his hand was inadvertently touching mine. In the past, I wouldn’t be able to do this much, and even now, I was dangerously close to shaking. However, perhaps thanks to my nightly company, I somehow managed to keep my cool.

If the fiend could see me now, he was probably laughing his ass off. Or perhaps… perhaps he wasn’t. He started showing signs of attachment I hadn’t expected him to express. I was pretty sure that whatever nonsense he was spouting during sex were just said in the heat of the moment, but this morning I discovered that he’d left an insane amount of marks on me.

My forearms began bruising this morning, as I noticed when I examined them after I got up. It wasn’t too serious, it was just that any and every mark could be visible on my pale-ass skin. We had fucked for much longer than any of the preceding nights, so I only got to get some sleep in early morning hours. However, I felt I could easily learn to like this sort of soreness.

On the other hand, getting up into an empty flat was new… and lonesome. Even though Kagura would stay at the dojo every now and then, and it shouldn’t have felt like anything out of the ordinary, it was a little different from usual somehow. Thankfully, this sort of arrangement was going to last only for a few days, but… how long, exactly? I had no idea.

It’d been about a week since the fiend began showing up, and during that time, his presence had grown on me greatly. Now, I was less worried that I would get delusional regarding Hijikata, and there was no way I would stop seeing the dividing line between fantasy and reality. It didn’t make me feel any less for Hijikata, but… I thought that this way it might be easier to give up on the man shivering next to me.

He was shivering an awful lot, though. “Are you okay?” I asked with genuine concern.

“I feel like shit,” he finally admitted, still looking away.

I made him sit down and against my better judgement, I pulled him closer.

* * *

I lay on my futon in the darkness of my room, waiting impatiently. For once, he was taking his sweet time, and _fuck_ , did I need to do it after today. I had to keep myself in check for two to three hours before rescue came, but by the time Kagura and Shinpachi managed to pull us out, the fool of a man stuck in there with me was so weak that he couldn’t get up. In the end, I had to carry him on my back to the Shinsengumi headquarters, and I ended up having to watch over him as well because the Gorilla asked me to, as they had a raid of some sort and were worried for him.

I was, too, in his current state, but there wasn’t much I could do for him… and he, feverish and delirious, seemed to be scared of me in his nightmarish trance. Even though I wanted to hold him close so much, I couldn’t lest I worsened his burden, and the rest of the day turned into a small handcrafted version of my personal hell. I couldn’t stop mulling over it. Just why in the world was he acting this way?! What did I do?!

I got up, intending to fetch a glass of water, as my mouth became suddenly dry when I thought of the mayo addict. In that instant, warmth enveloped me and a pair of hands slid down my trousers. “You’re going commando tonight?” he stroked my inner thighs shamelessly while pressing his crotch against my ass. I clenched my teeth, and a pleasant shudder of anticipation ran down my spine.

Instead of a greeting, I turned my head to him and kissed him without hesitation, closing my eyes. Not taken aback by that in the slightest, he slipped me the tongue, wrapping his arms around me as I turned to face him completely. “What’s up?” he asked, leaning his forehead against mine. This gesture would have been much more romantic if I didn’t have his fingers already rubbing my asshole over the fabric of my pyjamas. Not that I would mind, though.

“Horny,” I responded, sneaking my arms around his waist.

“I can see that,” he chuckled, giving my ass a prompt squeeze. “Any requests for tonight?” He did not ask what happened today, and I appreciated that. If he wanted to know, he could just look into my brain, but for some reason I felt that he wouldn’t do that.

“Is there anything _you_ wanna do?” I returned the question to him.

“Glad you asked,” he whispered dangerously close to my ear. “I’d love to be in full control of you… won’t you let me? Just for tonight?”

One should never go grocery shopping when hungry and never make decisions when horny. Though I was aware of that, I nodded in agreement, swallowing hard.

Right after, my world spun wildly and I was suddenly horizontal, sprawled out on my futon. Instantly, I regretted giving him the permission. My hands moved on their own accord and rolled my shirt up, then proceeded to tug down my trousers. I searched for him with my gaze; he was sitting nearby, his eyes glowing in the dark of my room. Seeing Hijikata’s face like that was unsettling. As opposed to the weakened wreck of a man I held close to me for warmth today, this here and now was a hungry demon in human guise, and I could _feel_ his gaze burning holes through me.

My left hand rose up to my chest and scratched my skin; I inhaled sharply when it pinched my nipple while my right hand slid down to my cock and grabbed it without any signs of hesitation. I could feel my skin tingling, and a wave of heat washed over me, the unnatural heat I was already familiar with. My entire body became an erogenous zone instantly, and he watched me shiver feverishly as he sat there silent and unmoving.

I suppressed a moan. My right hand wouldn’t stop; even though I tried to struggle to prevent it, I came soon after we began, covering my fingers in my own semen. My arousal was not faltering, though, and I closed my eyes when my body rolled over and my cum-covered hand moved over to my ass, two of my fingers slipping in with ease. I took a shaky breath, feeling them grope about for that one particular spot.

I cried out incoherently, my back arching, and my left hand clutched the sheet underneath me. “You ass,” I breathed out, “If I wanted to do this… myself, I would have started… without you.”

He didn’t say anything, and he wouldn’t let me stop moving my fingers, either. I was hopelessly hard still, and the way he made my fingers poke around was right, but it wasn’t _just right_ and he must have known. I wanted more, quickly… and most importantly, I wanted to feel him inside. I wanted him to do me, to suffocate me with pleasure, to help me give up on Hijikata. It was a crooked way of thinking, I knew that, but at this point I was boundlessly hoping for salvation in his hands.

After a while, I was a shaking mess, my ass was throbbing, my cock was hard and leaking precum like there was no tomorrow, and I was probably drooling, too; my fingers were aching, but their teasing continued relentlessly. “Come on,” I breathed out, my voice unsteady and pleading.

Finally, he sat next to me and made me kneel. “Suck me,” he commanded, the order uttered in his pleasantly husky voice causing goose-bumps to break all over my skin. I opened my mouth, and with my fingers still deep up my ass, I obediently bowed my head down to his dick. His fingers dove into my hair, and I enjoyed the sensation of them stroking and tugging gently as I took him in.

The taste was much more defined than the last time I gave him a blowjob, and that surprised me a little. Not that I hated it – there was no way I would, right? Not with him copying Hijikata in every way.

Greedily, I sucked him as deep as I could, even though today my gag reflex was stronger than last time. Immediately, I could feel wetness in my eyes, and I closed them, breathing through my nose as I focused on the sensation in my mouth. My dick wasn’t going soft, and I was drenched in sweat.

I looked up at him and shivered; that gaze went straight to my raging erection.

Suddenly, perhaps prompted to by my glance, he grabbed my hair strongly and yanked my head back. “That was close,” he breathed out, then pushed me backwards on my futon. “I’m sure you’ve loosened up nicely by now,” he added, and in response to that, my fingers finally slipped out of my ass. His hands pulled my ass cheeks apart, and then he just… stared for a few moments.

Before I could ask what was up, though, he pushed my knees up and finally entered me. An unrestrained moan escaped my throat and I reached out to grab onto him, pulling him as close as I could. The heat I felt inside combined with the heat coming from him was making me dizzy, and before I knew it, I was out of breath.

I could vaguely see his utterly enamoured expression in the dark; his lips were parted and he was breathing heavily. Our faces at that moment were probably very similar, his charmed by me and mine charmed by the idea of Hijikata I was desperately clinging to.

Our lips touched and for several rapid heartbeats, we were trading both air and saliva alongside of our mingling tongues. It was a messy and clumsy kiss, not at all in sync with our movements; I locked my ankles behind his back, wanting to be even closer, to feel him more. In response to that, one of his arms sneaked under me, embracing me tightly.

“This is so vexing,” he muttered against my flushed cheek, suddenly pausing.

“What is?” I managed to say, out of breath.

“You are,” he replied and backed away, pulling out. A strained moan escaped my throat as he did so, but before I could say another word, he rolled me onto my stomach, twisting one of my arms behind my back. He was careful not to make it actually painful, but hair rose on the back of my neck nonetheless. I could immediately feel the wet weight of his erection fall in between my ass cheeks, but he didn’t enter me again just yet. Instead, his other hand traced along my ribs slowly, each of those light touches eliciting a shudder.

“Stop teasing,” I groaned in frustration, my one free hand reaching to my ass. I slipped past his dick, and clenching my teeth, I pushed my fingers inside. “Enter me,” I demanded hoarsely, my tongue dryly sticking to the roof of my mouth.

“You could beg in a cuter way,” he whispered, his voice unsteady.

“You’ve turned me into this, so you’d better take responsibility,” I breathed out, knowing that all he needed was a small push. I took my fingers out and grabbed one of my ass cheeks, pulling it apart from the other. “Come on,” I said for the second time that night.

He let out a strained sound, and his hand strongly clutched my wrist. “You shouldn’t be playing with fire,” he murmured, more to himself rather than to me, and he pushed the hand he just grabbed into the futon, entering me in one smooth motion all the way to the hilt.

I cried out through my clenched teeth and threw my head back. The abruptness of what he just did almost made me come; I closed my eyes, swallowing hard in expectation.

His hot breath tickled me on my skin, and I bit my lip when he grabbed a fistful of my hair. His tongue ran up my neck and then he nibbled on my ear while rubbing deep in me. He was moving at a slow pace, and each lazy thrust of his hips was agonizing. “By the end of this,” he said, “I’ll have you begging for release.”

I suppressed another moan, not retorting. I couldn’t even if I wanted to – my voice seemed to have packed its belongings and gone on vacation. All I could manage to get out were incoherent sounds induced by the pleasure I received. Although I wasn’t planning on following what he just said, I could easily see something like that become a reality. His cock reached so deep in me I felt like he could fuck my soul out.

For the third time, he made me kneel with ass up in the air and head pressed down into my futon. He seemed to like this position, I realised.

“I do like it,” he replied to what I thought. “The way your back muscles move under your skin is mesmerising.” Slowly, he drew his pelvis back, and as he maintained that torturous speed, he added, “How they dance whenever I touch _this_ spot.” He shifted his hips, hitting my prostate, and I held my breath, knowing that just like my muscles, I, too, was dancing to his tune. “Especially when your sweat or… other stuff… trickles down the work of art that is your back.”

“Weirdo,” I chuckled, but that got turned into an unwanted moan shakily escaping my mouth. Stubbornly, I did not want to tell him aloud what I would have liked him to do. We both knew what I wanted, but unless I said it out loud, he wasn’t going to do it. In that case, though, there would be no point in doing this, since I allowed him to do as he pleased in the first place.

He continued moving in the same pattern, occasionally teasing my good spot. Although he was going so slowly it was infuriating, I could still feel myself nearing the edge. I could no longer tell if the warmth I felt was my own, of his making, or coming from him.

I could feel goose-bumps break out on my skin when he whispered, “Wait.” The wave of orgasm that was about to sweep me off my feet crashed on the cliff of his only word, rendered powerless. “I don’t want you cumming just yet,” he added, his hand reaching down to touch my dick.

I whimpered when his fingertips came into contact with my hyper-sensitised skin. There was briefly a weird sensation, as though the entire world blurred, and then I could feel… wetness. Warmth. A tight embrace, a familiar kind.

“Isn’t it nice?” he whispered. “To be able to feel what I feel, too? That’s what being inside you is like.”

“It’s weird,” I let out, my voice strained. I caught myself thinking that this is kind of as though I was in a threesome with myself. When I clenched around him, the feeling around my cock also tightened, and the longer this went on, the more muddled my mind was. Eventually, I came hard like never before, my vision going blank.

I collapsed to the side, and he snuggled up to me, sneaking an arm around my waist.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to come here again,” he said after a while of silence.

“What?!” I got up on my elbows. “Why not?”

“Do you know what happens if an incubus like me chooses his vessel poorly?” he asked instead of answering me.

“How would I know?” I shook my head. His question seemed unrelated at first, but then it hit me. My lips formed a silent _oh._ It couldn’t be, was he in trouble? This was the first time I heard anything about a vessel, too. An ominous feeling began crawling up my spine.

“It’s rare, but it happens,” he stroked my hair slowly, sometimes lightly tugging at my curls. “Usually we’re great at choosing our host and our prey,” he hesitated, “but sometimes the host is too strong, which may… complicate things.”

“What are you getting at?”

“This guy I chose… his will is very strong and I think it’s… happening.”

“ _What_ is happening?”

“I can no longer leave his body,” he finally stopped beating around the bush, “and believe me, I have tried. We’re merging, I’m assuming.”

“What do you mean by that?” I breathed out, my throat uncomfortably clenched.

“For now, we’re still two separate entities inside one body, but soon we’ll become one. And from that point on, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’ll most likely cease to exist, in a way. I’ve been losing my powers one by one, and I can feel myself fading,” he spoke calmly.

“Aren’t you… worried about that?” I asked hesitantly, unsure if it was alright to ask. We were talking about his death, yet he did not seem to be distressed in the least.

“Not really,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Leaving you behind is a bit regrettable, though.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Honestly, I should have left his body as soon as I noticed something was amiss, but I didn’t want to use someone you weren’t interested in… and looking for another human to feed from is out of the question.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s hard to find someone I’d be _this_ attracted to, that’s why. At first, it was just a matter of hunger,” he mused, “but now… it feels like addiction.” His hand slid down to stroke my neck.

“What happens to him?”

“I don’t know. Or should I say, there’s no-one to tell the tale, since the demon dies, and the other demons hardly care about the fate of one little human.”

“That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?” I finally looked at him. His face was still calm and collected, as though we were discussing weather, and not his own death he knew was coming.

“Well, yeah, but that’s how it usually is. I care about you plenty, though,” he added, leaning in to kiss me.

I let him do so, but I wanted to confirm something, so as soon as our lips parted, I asked, “So…” I said, “all this time, I was actually having sex with _him_?”

“More or less,” he admitted without hesitation. “The first and second time I chose a different host, but after I saw his face in your mind, I figured you’d prefer him instead.”

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” I turned away from him and curled up in a ball. I had only given in to the fiend because I thought he wasn’t _really_ Hijikata. I didn’t want to defile Hijikata in this way, nor did I feel that I was worthy of his touch. Horrible, horrible, the absolute worst. Thinking that this guy was someone else entirely, I’d used Hijikata’s body for my own sexual gratification.

 “I could kill him in order to save myself.” Though he said it barely audibly, his words pierced through the cloud of anguish swirling around my head, and like an arrow they hit where it hurt the most.

My head jerked up so quickly I hurt my neck a little. _No,_ I mouthed, my eyes filling to the brim with horror.

 “But,” he added in a normal voice before I could utter a single word of protest, “I don’t want to do that to you.”

“Why?” I asked, my voice shaking a little.

“Because I'm very fond of you,” he replied simply. “Haven't you noticed? It's not a common practice of ours,” he said, and he probably meant himself and others of his kind, “to keep visiting one single human night after night. We usually just hit and run.”

There was a bittersweet taste on my tongue. I had thought that he didn't mean anything he told me while we were doing it… but even if it were true, it couldn't change anything. I had grown accustomed to his touch and I liked it, but I still wanted Hijikata more, and if I were to choose which one of them was to disappear, then it was easy to pick.

“It's going to be better for you, too,” he added in a low voice, pulling me closer to hug me. “I'm getting hungrier each passing day, and I might hurt you eventually if this doesn't stop. It got me wondering if this is what humans in love feel. This unending need to be as close as possible to just one person… It’s unsettling. Have I fallen for you? Is that what this is?”

He was looking at me, honestly expecting me to answer. I didn't know what to tell him; for a long time, love for me had been nothing but suffering, as I never got the chance to taste the water of the spring right in front of me. It was likely that I, too, would soon become insatiable… if only I were allowed to drink from Hijikata.

“Yeah,” I said heavily in the end, “it’s kind of like that, I guess.”

“How can you humans handle this?” he asked. “It’s unbearable. It’s suffocating.”

“We can’t, usually,” I covered my eyes with my hands, rubbing my face. “I’ve been feeling like this for so long that I’m almost used to it,” I added, and I could barely hear my own words.

“Almost?” he parroted.

“It was unbearable being close to him, but I’d learned to understand that feeling. I’d learned to handle it. And then… you came, and messed everything up. You messed _me_ up. I found myself _expecting_ you, wanting you to come to me and to hold me while looking like him.” I sat up abruptly and looked him directly in the eye, “Do you know how hard it became to talk to him?! Yet I waited for you eagerly anyway! And now you’re telling me that not only it can never happen again, but also that I casually and carelessly stained his name? I can never face him again!”

“Sorry,” he reached out and pulled me closer, even though I tried to resist. His arms wrapped around me, and I clenched my teeth so hard it hurt. I felt bitter. “I know. It was your lovelorn heart that’s drawn me to you in the first place. After I had my first taste, I wanted to fill the emptiness in you. Shame that I couldn’t,” he pulled back a little to meet my eyes. “Won’t you let me kiss you for one last time?”

I nodded, and because I could feel my eyes sting as though they were about to overflow with tears, I closed them. His breath tickled me on my face; the kiss he gave me was slow and gentle… and tasted of regret.

The feeling of his lips touching my own gradually faded, and when I finally mustered the courage opened my eyes, he was nowhere to be seen.

I curled up once more. There it was again, the dull, empty emotional pain I’d briefly been allowed to forget. A gaping abyss opened inside me.

I was alone again.


	9. Ninth Night

About two minutes after I’d returned from a job, there was the sound of the doorbell.

I looked at the clock. It was eleven PM, Kagura was at Shinpachi’s for the last night of her Otae-holiday, and I was about to get to bed. I was not looking forward to it, since I was going to spend it alone in a cold futon, but there was no use crying over something I had no power over.

A visitor was unexpected at this hour, but I figured a sudden job might let me stay awake and busy instead of being subjected to the darkness of my room and my own thoughts.

I walked over to the door and slid it open.

Blood in my veins froze and I stood there like a statue, incapable of action; it might have been just a minute, but it felt like an entire century.

Hijikata stood there, his expression exhausted and pale, looking at me as though he was being haunted.

“What do you want?” I asked, my heart clenching with a myriad of emotions, one more unpleasant than the other.

“China girl is asleep?” he said, his tone weak and hesitant.

“Dunno. She’s at Shinpachi’s. Been staying there lately. Does it matter?”

“Can… Can we talk inside?” he said, and he sounded so low-spirited my heart ached.

“Sure,” I stepped out of the way. He trotted in and ended up sort of collapsing onto the couch heavily.

There was a while of silence.

“So?” I asked. “What is this about? Are you feeling better? Last time we met, you looked like death.” As I watched him, still so oddly weak and exhausted, I had no idea what could have made him into this absolute wreck of nerves. “You sure don’t _look_ any better.”

Finally, he opened his mouth. “Did I…” he began, then hesitated, clearly afraid to continue. “Did I… hurt you?”

My breath hitched. “What?” I somehow managed to get out through my suddenly tightly clenched throat.

“I… I think I did something horrible to you,” he said uneasily; I could barely hear him, but I was sure that was what he said.

He leaned his face on his entwined fingers, not daring to look at me. I saw his knuckles turn white as he clenched them so hard they began shaking. “I… remember you… saying no. I remember you resisting me. I remember… hurting… you… restraining you…” his voice trailed off for several excruciatingly long seconds as I stood there, my heart running a mile a second. His fists opened and closed, then he added, “I think I choked you, too…”

So, even though the fiend hadn't mentioned anything of the sort, Hijikata had some memories of what happened. From what he said, it seemed like he only remembered fragments, and mostly, if not only, the moments when I was fighting it. It wasn't unlikely that it was this way even before the fiend ‘merged’ with Hijikata, considering the way he would freak out when I came near. Additionally, if he only remembered the visual image and not stuff like my thoughts and the context of these occurrences, then he likely believed that he had raped me multiple times, and only came here in order to confirm that. The fool of a man didn't come to me for comfort, help, nor forgiveness; he came here for punishment, wanting to atone for sins he did not commit. I hesitated, not knowing what to do in this situation.

He looked up abruptly, and I took a small subconscious step back; his face was contorted in pain.

The way I recoiled from him hadn’t slipped past his attention, and there was a flash of agony in his eyes. “Just… What have I done to you?” he choked out. “Why… would I do something like that?”

Our eyes met. I kept silent, unsure what to say. I ached to hold him close, to let him know that he wasn’t the one taking advantage of me, but… “What are you talking about?” I asked eventually, pretending not to know what he was trying to say, even though I understood the situation much better than he did. “Did you have a bad dream or something?”

“I… I had scratches,” he said heavily. “There were traces of teeth, too. Why… are you acting like nothing happened?” His voice grew more and more distressed with each syllable spoken.

“You sure you didn’t get wild with someone else?” I asked, and his head shot up as he glared at me for a split second before looking away again.

“Stop acting like nothing happened! Why aren’t you blaming me?!”

_Because I know something you don't,_ I thought in response, but I obviously couldn't say that to him. “Do you _want_ me to blame you?” I asked instead, swallowing hard as I walked closer and watched him flinch with each step I took. “Do you want me to tell you what happened?” I added as I stood before him, looking down at his pallid, tired face.

He inhaled shakily. “Spare me,” he then breathed out, looking away.

He couldn’t even meet my eyes.

Clenching my fists briefly, I gritted my teeth, then I grabbed him under the collar and yanked him to his feet; he lowered his eyelids. “If you want to hit me, go for it,” he muttered, “I don’t deserve any better after what I’ve done.”

Angered, I inhaled sharply. My fist, still clutching his uniform, trembled briefly, and I could feel it itching to clock him square in his idiotic handsome mug.

Instead, I kissed him.

He struggled weakly, but I didn't let go; instead I went deeper into the kiss, slipping him the tongue. Taken aback as he was, he did not put up much of a resistance; the taste of cigarettes, bitter and unpleasant, clawed on my taste buds strongly. He must have been chain-smoking ever since he began seeing the haunting visions of himself holding me down forcefully.

My other hand grabbed the back of his head, not allowing him to flee. I dragged it out as long as I felt was acceptable, desperately ignoring the familiar feeling in my groin. This was no time to get hard. Thankfully, because of my yukata, it wasn’t as apparent that I almost instantly had a semi; if I avoided pressing our bodies close together, it didn’t matter.

Finally I let our lips part and took a small step back. He stood there, petrified, clearly unsure how to react. I could see him searching for answers in my face, but I had none to give. I wanted him, it was just that simple. Much like he was scouring my expression looking for any explanation, I was staring back in the perverse hopes of discovering signs of rejection, any at all, wishing that I could finally give up on him completely.

“Wh…” his voice failed him, and though he tried to ask, no words could escape his too tightly clenched throat. I took another step back, regretfully loosening my clutch on his uniform. “Why?”

He staggered backwards, and as he did so, he hit the edge of the couch with the back of his knees, and he half-fell, half-sat heavily onto the couch, his eyes wide, confused and horrified.

“You ask why,” I said, although I knew I was being cruel, “but before that you should ask yourself why I didn’t kick your ass when you tried anything. And while you’re thinking about that, do me a favour and get out.”

“You wouldn’t kick my—” he began, likely out of habit, but I interrupted him.

 “We both know I have done that already.” I raised my voice unintentionally and he flinched again as though I hit him. Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose, and I continued in a quieter voice, “If it’s you, I can stop you as I please, you hear? Now get out.”

There were about two seconds of silence. “As… as you please?” he croaked, and in that moment I realised my fatal mistake. I gulped, my hands suddenly shaking as he said, “So you’re saying you weren’t against it?”

I clenched my teeth. He was supposed to figure this out somewhere far away from me and then avoid me forever… but no. He just _had_ to go and be smart. “It wasn’t _my_ _idea_ ,” I cleared my throat, hoping that he did not jump to the conclusion that I had made him do it. “But I went along with it,” I admitted then, hoping he’d storm out upon hearing it. He did not move an inch, though. I took an unsteady breath and backed away a little, suddenly feeling slightly dizzy. I wanted to grab him, to yell at him, and to hold him close and to cry on his shoulder.

_How many more times do I have to stifle my screams? How many more times am I going to have to fight this feeling? How much longer will you torture me so?_

I swallowed these questions one after another and sought to meet his eyes to search for clues.

He returned my gaze silently, and I couldn’t read him.

“Leave,” I choked out, clenching my fists. My voice was about to fail me, and I did not want him to be present when that would happen.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he said out of the blue and slowly got up. It was my turn to flinch; his face, though but a tired wreck moments ago, was now undecipherable and I realised I was scared. I was afraid, deeply afraid because I had absolutely no idea how much he had me figured out. I would prefer him to think that I was just pent up, a pervert who would sleep with just about anyone without boundaries, and I feared to death the thought that he’d know how I felt about him.

I’d played my hand about as poorly as I could have, and since I couldn’t run away, I watched him in sheer horror close the distance between us. “Like what?” I got out somehow, although I was sure I would be incapable of speech by now.

He did not reply; his hand slowly and carefully neared my face. His fingertips grazed my cheek lightly, a touch not heavier than a summer breeze, and he retracted his hand hesitantly. I could see it shaking slightly, and suddenly there was a profound bitter taste on my tongue. “What are you doing?” I breathed out, and I could barely hear my own words.

“Show me,” he said, but his voice broke mid-sentence; he cleared his throat and continued, “show me proof that it wasn’t just a feverish dream. Show me proof that I’m not…” he trailed off, hesitant to continue that sentence.

I stared back at him blankly while my brain was in utter disarray. “You want me to _strip_?”

He deadpanned. I could see that behind his stiff face, there was now an inner conflict unfolding. I hoped he’d think it over and leave as soon as possible so that I could go to my room and have a self-pity wank, but he suddenly looked me dead in the eye. “Yes,” he said, and that single word shook me to the core – not because of what he said, but because I realised I couldn’t say no to him now.

_Dammit._

“If that’s the case, then let’s move,” I said, brushing past him quickly as I made my way towards my bedroom. “I don’t want to get naked in the same place I greet my customers.”

“Since when were you the proper type?” he replied as he turned to follow me. Even I could feel that that snarky remark was half-assed and more said out of habit than anything else, and so I did not pick up on it.

Without waiting for him, I started taking my clothes off; I decided to stop at my shirt, figuring there was no reason for me to strip my bottom half as well. I was standing with my back to the entrance. Under normal circumstances, doing so would have been careless, but at the moment I just couldn’t bear to look at him.

Only after I braced myself internally did I turn towards him. He flipped the light switch to see me clearer and he stepped in, sliding the door shut on the way. His expression was sombre and I held my breath when he leaned closer to examine my mark-covered skin. His hands grabbed my forearm and he thumbed over the bruises the fiend’s little bondage play had left behind; I inhaled sharply. Since the bruises have begun to heal, they were more sensitive than the first day I got them, so it ached a little. He did not seem to notice that, and he moved over to my chest. There were kiss marks in various shades, and if I wanted to, I could probably guess their age; the ones I had received on the first day were almost gone, and the teeth imprint was nowhere to be seen, too, but the marks from last night were prominent, glaring on my pale skin.

He studied them carefully, tracing his fingers along some of them from time to time. His touches seemed to be inadvertent, but I felt each and every single one of them, and although my previous hard-on had vanished while we were talking, I was getting hard again. It was worse when he applied slight pressure to some of the bruises; I swallowed hard when he unknowingly grazed my nipple.

“Say something,” I demanded eventually when I couldn’t bear the silence. “I didn’t do this to be groped.”

“I really did a number on you,” he murmured tensely, then looked up to finally meet my eyes. “You’re making that face again,” he added.

“Like I said – what kind of face?” I raised my voice, instinctively backing away a little.

His expression was still serious as he eyed me from head to toe. “Your legs are okay?” he asked suddenly.

“What—Why wouldn’t they be?”

“Let me see.”

“Are you out of your mind?” I snapped. “Why do I have to strip myself in front of you?!”

“I’m trying to see how bad a state you’re in,” he said, his expression full of honesty. There was no ill will in his eyes, he only genuinely wanted to see if he had hurt me, not realising how embarrassed and humiliated I was to get naked in front of him.

Clenching my teeth, I hung my head and tugged my trousers down to my knees, hoping that he wouldn’t notice my semi. I knew I should have put up more of a fight, but I couldn’t. The image of the incubus and Hijikata were overlapping, and I felt like I was in the fiend’s clutches again – and that guy was impossible to disobey.

He knelt in front of me and I tensed up nervously when he reached out his hands to touch my thighs. There were bruises there as well – not as prominent as the kiss marks on my chest, but they appeared after that night he made me orgasm without ejaculating. Though faint, there were traces of nails from two nights ago. Not that I’d be hurt, they didn’t even sting, but my skin was so pale I could probably blend in with the snow if I tried hard enough, so they were still visible. “Surprisingly, you don’t have much leg hair, huh,” he said, his fingertips brushing over the slightly darker spots on the inner side of my thighs.

“That’s what you choose to comment on?!” I snapped and was about to wear my trousers again and kick him out.

He looked up at me, asking hesitantly with a serious expression, “Did it hurt when I… held you?”

I bit back what I was about to say and hung my head. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“How can I compensate you for this?” he asked as he got up abruptly, his face only a finger’s width from mine.

I closed my eyes briefly. “You can’t, so it’s better of you just go,” I turned away.

“What do you mean I can’t?! There has to be something—”

“It’s not even your fault in the first place,” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Silence suddenly filled the room.

_Shit_.

“What do you mean?” he then asked cautiously, and as I stepped back, he followed. “Whose fault is it, then?”

“Th-That’s not what I meant,” I shook my head quickly. “I meant, you didn’t exactly have a hold of your senses when it happened. It wasn’t… _you_.” What else was I supposed to say? Well, a demon took over your body, and we happily fucked like bunnies? In the first place, he wouldn’t even believe something so preposterous. Nobody would. What I said was the truth, albeit it was misleading to him, who had no idea what really happened.

He glanced around, then narrowed his eyes in suspicion, and he inhaled deeply. “It was here, wasn’t it,” he said, his voice suddenly just as uneasy as when he came to my doorstep. “I vaguely remember… something.” He sighed heavily and turned to face me again. “Why were you not against it?” he asked, looking me dead in the eye.

I clenched my fists. He had me stripped naked in front of him, touched me all over without knowing what it was doing to me, and now… was I supposed to come out and profess my love to him or some shit?! “Get out,” I said under my breath.

He did not react, instead he repeated, “ _Why_ were you not against it?”

“Get the fuck out,” I snapped, my voice all but calm and collected. I was frustrated, unbelievably so, and the longer this went on, the worse it was.

“Did you perhaps want to have sex with a man?” he said, looking away.

“What?!” I couldn’t believe my own ears. Why the fuck couldn’t he just drop it and get out like I told him to?!

To answer that – no, not at that point in time. That kind of desire came later, and now that it had been engraved into the marrow of my bones, I was standing there helplessly with an erection caused by his careless touches, and I couldn’t possibly hate myself more.

“Is that so wrong?” I asked instead eventually before he could say anything else. I didn’t want to tell him what actually happened, obviously. In the first place, it was my fault – hadn’t the fiend learned about my desire, Hijikata wouldn’t have been possessed by him, and all the fucking would have been happening without him. Plus, I kind of thought that – my cowardice aside – he wouldn’t be very happy if he learned he was possessed.

“I did not say that,” he shook his head. His eyes returned to meet mine, and then he said the most outrageous thing I had heard from him yet. “What if… what if we did it again?”

“Are you se—” I couldn’t finish, my vision going dark for a moment. “What are you even saying?!”

“No, I mean… If… if you’re not against the idea, and if… No, you’re right, what am I even saying,” he hung his head. “It’s probably the lack of sleep talking.” As he glanced down, his eyes fell onto my crotch. It was a miracle that he hadn’t noticed until this moment, but now that he did, he looked up at me again, saying, “You’re hard, though.”

I did not reply.

He swallowed hard, turning away. “Okay, I get it,” he sighed and was about to leave. “I’ll think of some other way to compensate…” he hesitated and glanced back at me.

I realised my hand had clutched his sleeve.

_Fuck_.

I took a deep breath. I wanted to ask if he meant it, if he _could_ hold me out of his own volition, but then I hesitated. I couldn’t afford to break character – I didn’t have enough trust in him. If we did it and he’d chicken out halfway through, I’d never forgive myself for letting him lead me on. I did not think he’d blabber about it, since I knew him well enough to be aware he wasn’t that kind of person, but my already damaged ego might not survive such a heavy blow.

“Sit down,” I said, gesturing to my futon, my voice miraculously calm at the moment, although I could feel my gut twisting painfully.

He gave me a slightly puzzled glance, but did as I told him to without any objections. Taking a silent deep breath with my back to him, I pulled my trousers back up enough for them not to be a bother, and I took two resolute steps to switch off the light again.

In the dark, I turned towards him, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. With this, I was about to pass the point of no return.

_I should send him away after all,_ I thought, but as I opened my mouth to do so, I had a sudden thought.

Hijikata wouldn’t normally bug me about this so much.

He wouldn’t normally volunteer to hold me, either.

Although he had retained only a fraction of the fiend’s memories, perhaps they somehow fused on a subconscious level as well, and so he _knew_ that I had a thing for him, even if he wasn’t fully aware of that knowledge. The way he had acted just now must have been the fiend’s indirect influence.

I kicked my trousers off again and walked over to him. He was sitting there wordlessly, and he didn’t say anything when I pushed his knees apart and knelt between his legs. I unbuckled his belt and lowered my head to his crotch, trying not to show any signs of hesitation as I got his soft dick out.

“What’re you doing?” he said, but he didn’t put up any resistance. His slightly raspy voice seemed a little unsteady and perhaps carried a hint of worry,

“Think of it as payback,” I replied and opened my mouth. _What a fucking lie,_ I thought as I lowered my head.

This was my first time to touch it while he was flaccid, but that couldn’t possibly stop me. The moment the tip of my tongue came into contact with his skin, a shudder ran down my spine. I had wanted this, desperately so, and with this realisation I took him in to the hilt. It wasn’t much of a challenge with him not being hard yet, but it clearly startled him into an erection. If my mouth were empty, I would have chuckled.

I released him from my mouth and licked up his hardening shaft. I wanted him in me, and just that thought made me feel all unsettled inside, but I felt that it would be a bad thing to do to him. Despite myself, I reached down and rather than grabbing my cock, I only got some precum on my fingers and then I moved my hand further back to tease my rear. My other hand was keeping Hijikata’s dick upright, and I closed my eyes; I recalled the fiend telling me how delighted I looked when I had this thing in my mouth, and I was glad that I had turned out the lights.

My fingers couldn’t reach deep enough in this position, and rather than bringing myself satisfaction, I’d stirred myself up more. I was hard, my boxers were wet with precum, and I could feel the soaked fabric rub against my skin, only making my situation worse.

_This is not enough,_ I thought as I pushed Hijikata’s length down my throat. Now that the fiend’s abilities were not involved, the gag reflex was difficult to handle, but I pressed on anyway, even if it caused tears to well up in my eyes. _Not enough._

I backed away from his cock and pushed him down forcefully, climbing into his lap. Somehow wiggling out of my last piece of clothing, I knelt over him, and I heard him utter a shocked “Wait—” just a fraction of a second before I grabbed his erection and pressed its tip against my entrance while it was still nice and slick. The darkness around us concealed the wanton expression I was sporting; I could feel saliva dripping down my chin as I slowly and carefully closed the remaining distance between us, taking him in me to the hilt. Despite my desperate attempts to keep silent, a strained moan escaped my clenched teeth, tears welling up in my eyes. It hurt a little, as I had not given the preparation nearly enough time, but I didn’t even care.

I remained still for a few seconds, bitterly realising just how low I had stooped. The demon did not mean bad when he held me, but he made me fall for Hijikata even harder – to a point where I was willing to force myself on him just to feel his touch.

However, I was sure Hijikata wouldn’t want to feel me nearly as much as I wanted to feel him, so I tried to make as little contact as possible, raising my hips again.

He sat up abruptly, wrapping his arms around me in a surprisingly strong embrace, subsequently pushing be back down. I yelped in surprise, my cock throbbing happily in response to what just happened; for a moment I thought he snapped and was about to fuck my brains out, and I would have very much welcomed that, but he only held me tightly, pressing his forehead against my chest.

“What are you doing?” I breathed out, my voice unsteady. I couldn’t move properly with his arms wrapped around me.

He did not say anything, he only hugged me a little tighter.

“You’re gonna get dirty,” I muttered, feeling my erection pressing against the fabric of his uniform. Now that we were so close to one another, my nose was full of his scent and I felt both terrible and extremely elated. I wanted to kiss him again. Thankfully, he was unbeknownst to him holding my arms down, so I couldn’t act upon my foolish desire.

I realised that due to the position we were in, he could easily hear my rapid heartbeat, and I attempted to free myself, but he wouldn’t let go.

“Seriously,” I struggled again, “your uni—”

“ _Why_ are you like this?” he looked up at me and even though the room was dark, I knew he now had an angry, hurt face.

_Like I could say any of it aloud,_ I pursed my lips. That I wanted him so much that I could no longer contain myself. That even if the fiend had demanded my soul for the chance to touch and be touched, I would have agreed. That as time went on, I could no longer see anyone else. That if he were to kiss me now, I would completely fall apart in his lap.

Swallowing hard, I stirred a little. It was already a miracle that he was still hard even though it was me he was doing this kind of thing with. Instead of answering his question, I began rocking gently, teasing him in the hopes that he’d let go of me.

Instead, he turned us over so that he’d be above me, and only then did he let go. I inhaled sharply when he started moving his hips slowly as though he thought me fragile. It felt different from when the fiend had held me; Hijikata was much more uncertain and clumsier, and although he was obviously giving it a lot of thought, he would only make me want more.

“If you’re gonna do it, do it faster,” I propped up on my elbows. This wasn’t entirely what I wanted, but I was more than willing to take it.

I heard what might’ve been a resigned sigh, and he put some more force into his movements. It was disheartening how he seemed so distant, although we were connected as closely as we possibly could be. I closed my eyes, focusing only on the pleasant sensation in my lower region, not wanting to think about anything for the time being. I still didn’t quite understand why in the world would Hijikata be okay with doing this with me, but I decided to save that headache for later.

Relaxing into it, I could suddenly feel it much more; as he was moving, his breathing gradually became shorter, and he grabbed me under my knee to push one of my legs up. I grabbed onto his shoulders, clutching his uniform, and with my eyes still closed, I pulled him closer. Holding my voice back wasn’t easy, but I would probably die if he went soft after hearing me.

The room was filled with his scent, heavy and suffocating. I didn’t let him strip, so he was probably sweating much more than he normally would have. Although I was originally going to mount him and be done with it quickly, since he seemed weak and sickly, he continued tirelessly until my brain was muddled.

“Wait—!” I choked out, but it was too late; I came before him, blanking out for several seconds. Although he wasn’t half as skilled as the fiend was, my body had gotten too accustomed to this kind of touch and learned to feel pleasure so easily I felt ashamed of myself.

He pulled out and hesitantly backed away. “Sorry,” he muttered breathlessly, and only then it dawned on me that probably as I had tightened around him while coming, it pushed him over the edge, and my ass was now thus full of his cum. I reached to my rear just to make sure of it, but the stickiness I felt under my fingertips did not leave any room left for doubt.

_Right. No more disappearing jizz,_ I thought with a dose of bitter amusement, and I sat up sluggishly. I was covered in my own cum and there was the same liquid about to leak out and dirty my sheet, so I got up to my feet quickly. “I’m gonna go shower,” I said awkwardly, not sure what would come next.

“Right,” he replied; from that single word, I couldn’t tell at all what he was currently thinking.

When I walked out of my bathroom, all clean, he was gone, and only his lingering scent assured me that I was not going insane. Regrettably, I had to air out the entire flat, though; I didn’t want Kagura to return tomorrow and find out what happened. Both she and Sadaharu had terribly sharp noses.

“What the hell even happened,” I murmured under my breath as I made my way to my room, wanting to get dressed before opening the window. I still couldn’t really believe that he’d hold me just like that.


	10. Tenth Night

“Mama, I’ll be going,” I called, and Saigou waved across the floor to show that he understood. Tonight was busy, but thanks to that I had another fat pack of bills going my way. For that sort of money, I was okay dressing up as a woman—and it was traditional clothes tonight, so there was no real harm done. I had been in luck lately in terms of money, and just thinking that the kids and I might go out for some high-grade yakiniku made me elated. It was even worth it letting the geezers pour sake down my throat at the peak of the evening. I was pleasantly intoxicated and felt that nothing could possibly ruin my evening.

However, as soon as I entered the street, shivering in the chilly night air, my mood plummeted below the lowest circles of Hell.

The embodiment of my misery was standing at a street corner, smoking his cigarette and watching the steely grey sky. As though he sensed me appearing on the street, he glanced my way, and our eyes inadvertently met. He seemed to sigh as he threw the cigarette on the ground and crushed it under his foot much like he crushed my heart last night when he left without saying anything.

I froze in my stride. _Fuck no,_ I thought and turned on my heel to go literally _any_ way at all as long as I didn’t have to meet him face-to-face. Seeing him this soon after what happened between us totally ruined my evening.

As soon as I turned around, one of the old geezers we had been drinking with trotted out; tonight was the first time I met him. Usually, on nights like this, the store would be full of regulars, but this one was new here.

Upon seeing me, he hiccupped and shuffled towards me, a happy but slightly absentminded smile on his face. “Paako-chan!” he exclaimed and grabbed my elbow, tugging me closer to him. I didn’t expect him to be so forceful, and because of the kimono I was wearing, I stumbled right into his arms. Since he was a customer, I was about to apologise politely and back away, but his arm wrapped around me. “How about we…” he breathed into my ear, and I felt his hand feel up my ass all of a sudden.

Utterly grossed out, I pushed him away with all my might; both of us lost balance and he fell backwards on his ass. I, too, was falling, but my back hit someone’s chest instead. A cloud of a familiar tobacco smell surrounded me. “You okay?” Hijikata asked, looking at me.

I could feel my face heat up immediately. _Falling into the arms of my crush?! What is this shoujo manga development?!_ I thought, most likely as red as a tomato. “I—I’m fine!” I replied, utterly embarrassed – and to top it off, my voice fucking cracked. Gathering my bearings as much as I was capable of in my tired and slightly drunk state, I elbowed him and moved with the intention to flee. The geta shoes were not made for running and the kimono was an unfortunate addition to this mess as well, but I tried to maintain some speed while scurrying away from him the best I could.

“Hey—!” he called out to me, but I heard the geezer groan and somehow I knew that Hijikata’s goody nature wouldn’t let him to just leave an old drunk man on his ass in the cold. Before they resolved the situation, I had managed to run off to the closest corner and made a turn into a side alley, hoping to hide in the shadows and out of Hijikata’s sight.

It wasn’t a garbage collection day and the alley was mostly empty; I ducked in the shade of the building cast by the streetlights, and I subconsciously held my breath. I did not want to have anything to do with him, ever. I wasn’t sure what he wanted with me, but I couldn’t bear the thought of him walking up to me waving his strong sense of responsibility around like a penis, hoping to stick it in the right place.

Not too long after, I heard his stomping quickly nearing my hiding spot. I closed my eyes as though it would help. If I can’t see him, he can’t see me.

Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work. He stormed past the entrance to the alley, but then he stopped abruptly and his footsteps came closer again. I jumped to my unsteady feet, intending to make a break for it, but he was quicker, and with absolutely no regard for my womanly appearance, he grabbed me and roughly pinned me to the wall.

My kimono wasn’t exactly that of a prude, and my slightly too exposed upper back hurt being pressed against the uneven surface behind me.

“Why are you running away?” he let out, and I realised his voice was a little unsteady. Chalking that up to his heavy smoking and the effect it had on his lungs, I decided to think nothing of it.

“Maybe because I don’t want to meet you?” I snapped at him, raising my voice. “Leave me alone, would you? Any reasonable person would after what we did. You ran away, too, so I thought for sure I would finally be free of your bullshit!”

“I didn’t run away!” he snapped back immediately after I was finished. “While you were in the shower, I got called back to the HQ. I would have left you a note, but in the blind hurry I was in, I couldn’t find a single piece of paper.”

I exhaled silently. He was standing too close for comfort, and I had nowhere to run; his hands were still holding my shoulders firmly. It must have been my current attire, but I felt more vulnerable than ever before – and I did not like that in the least.  “So what, now you come to tell me that you didn’t mind me doing that?” I stared him dead in the eye, hoping to find something, anything, that would let me know what his true intentions were.

“You know…” he did not look away nor did he budge, “I could have resisted you. Shouldn’t the fact that I didn’t be telling you something?”

I pursed my painted lips for a moment. “I thought it was your way of… repenting, or the like. Because you felt guilty, you let me do whatever. Am I wrong?” I said then. What else could it possibly have been?

“I’m not a masochist,” Hijikata resolutely shook his head, clutching my shoulders strongly. “Listen, I thought long and hard about this,” he hesitated and I saw he was late in noticing the pun he unconsciously made. If I were in the mood, I would have laughed, but my throat was tightly clenched and I couldn’t bring myself to even raise the corners of my mouth.

He cleared his throat and started anew. “I thought about it a lot and I realised that if I were not at least somewhat okay with it, I would have bailed.”

I couldn’t bear it any longer and I turned my head away from him, hoping to hide my expression in the dark. I felt bitter. _Somewhat okay,_ he said. That was pretty much as him saying I wasn’t as gross as he had expected. “Let go,” I let out through my clenched teeth.

“Stop making that pained face,” he muttered under his breath, and I realised I didn’t hide shit. His hand reached to my face to cup my cheek.

“What—” I started, but couldn’t finish.

He slowly leaned in, turning my head enough for him to reach.

I stood there paralysed as his lips tenderly opened mine. I could feel his fingers slowly stroking down my neck, and I shivered, clenching my fists. I didn’t resist him. I couldn’t. His tongue softly entered my mouth, and I closed my eyes, the taste of his tobacco-laced kiss in a perfect match with the feeling filling my heart. I couldn’t understand his reasoning, I had no idea what he wanted to achieve by doing this, yet I didn’t want it to end.

Eventually, he backed away, studying my face. His mouth was stained with my lipstick, and even in the dim light coming from the street, the pink shade of it didn’t look good on him. Finally, he let go of me.

“What’s your endgame here?” I asked, amazed that my voice did not shake.

He didn’t give me a reply. Instead, his hand caressed my nape again. “Why does your obi untie in the front,” he muttered, pulling an unhappy face. “And your neck’s all exposed. That’s a prostitute’s getup, isn’t it.”

“You don’t have to tell me that, I probably know more about this than you do,” I shrugged my shoulders, trying to change the topic to flee this awkward situation. “It was tonight’s theme.”

“Hey, I…” he didn’t let me escape. “I think I want to try again. In a better way this time.”

I watched him wordlessly, my heart beating up a storm. I couldn’t say yes to this, could I? And yet, I found myself unable to say no, too. I hung my head. “I don’t get you,” I breathed out, my voice suddenly breaking. Damned alcohol, I should not have drunk so much. “Why would you even…? If you hadn’t come to my place yesterday, none of this would have happened and I would still be…”

Before I could finish, his arms wrapped around me and held me close. “I’m just as confused by this as you are,” he admitted. Because of the position we were in, I couldn’t see his face, but his voice was low and he didn’t seem too sure about anything. Even so, he continued. “If you had hit me back there instead of kissing me, I’m sure wouldn’t have chased after you tonight. But!” he raised his voice abruptly, “I don’t want you to think that I’m doing this out of a sense of obligation.”

“Okay,” I retorted, suddenly getting angry. “Let’s go to a hotel right now, then. I bet you won’t even get hard.”

He grabbed my shoulders again and took half a step back, looking me in the face with a serious expression. “Fine,” he let out through his clenched teeth. “Let’s go.” He grabbed my forearm and dragged me out of the alley.

I hated myself for being unable to say anything else.

* * *

I sat down at the vanity that was in the hotel room, intending to fix my face up a little bit. I had thought of removing my make-up completely, but then I figured that if I look at least a little womanly, he might be into it more. He was currently showering, and though I said I wanted to wash up as well, he said that I didn’t need to.

Truthfully, I didn’t need to clean up, anyway. Even though I was ashamed about it myself, every now and then someone at the okama bar would ask me for some night service, and as I was, to put it lightly, somewhat frustrated with the recent events, I had hoped that having a stranger’s dick up my ass might alleviate my worries. Not too long ago, I would have opted only for the topping role, but thanks no thanks to the fiend’s antics, my body was now open to visitors. Thus, I had thoroughly prepared myself and had been feeling restless.

Unfortunately, due to a certain someone being on my mind, I didn’t feel like a one night stand. I had to reject someone’s advances, too. Who would have thought that I would end up with him of all people.

Hijikata seemed weirdly into this, though, and the more I thought about it, the more I felt that it was fishy. It couldn’t have been his sense of duty towards me, because we already did it once, and we should have been done with this matter for good.

Was he pent up? That could easily have been one explanation. He did mention having been called back to the HQ last night on short notice, and if something bad happened then, he might only be craving physical contact, and I was nearby and admittedly quite available. Having to deal with a woman he would have to pay for might have proven troublesome previously, so for him to come to me was likely a lot easier. I was not going to charge him.

Or perhaps it could have been the fiend’s influence? If they merged together, the fiend’s feelings could have carried over somehow, and now he felt a temporary need to be with me. That was just as likely, since I was unsure how the merger worked and to what extent they became one person. If that was the case, though, then whatever he felt now was an absolute and total lie and it might just vanish without any kind of warning.

“This’ll be the last time,” I assured the me in the mirror. Looking at my reflection, I realised how unsettling it felt that the make-up fit me. Granted, I was not the one who dolled up my face like this. It was the okamas in the bar. Considering their own makeup looked monstrous, I hadn’t expected them to be this skilled with mine, but…

“I knew it. I’m just too cute, aren’t I,” I tilted my head, putting up one finger to my mouth in a cutesy way.

“Just what are you doing?” a voice came from behind me. I didn’t even hear him enter.

I jumped to my feet and very quickly, I moved over to the bed where I decided to strike a classic seductive pose. I was in a prostitute’s kimono, after all, and it would be a damn shame not to see him upset by me not taking things seriously. Behaving like that served as my armour and that way, should anything go amiss, I was able not to be involved emotionally. Acting like it was none of my concern, I would just say I was in it for the sex.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and he walked over to me, climbing onto the bed. I noticed he looked much healthier than yesterday, as though all of his fatigue had disappeared.

There was only a towel wrapped around his hips; the rest of his skin was exposed and I could feel heat emanating from him as he leaned closer. A pleasant shudder ran down my spine. What a hunk he was.

“Are you not going to turn off the light?” I backed away a little.

“No.” Before I could object, he caught me in a lip-lock. His hand went down my cleavage and he immediately felt up my chest a bit before pulling the kimono off of my shoulders. My obi was still tied, and he, instead of stripping me, opened up the folds up to my thighs. Slowly, never breaking the contact of our lips, he pushed me down.

I turned my head away; as a result, our lips parted and he began groping me shamelessly wherever his hands could reach. “You’ve sure made a miraculous recovery,” I couldn’t resist the urge to make a snarky remark to cover up both my embarrassment and the fact that I had worried for him greatly. “Just yesterday you looked like you consorted with death.”

“You’re not nearly as bad,” he said, as he finally started untying my obi. “But since you clearly can’t believe that I wasn’t put off, I’m going to have to show you.”

“That’s not what I—” I began, but his mouth ate away anything I had to say.

“Are you out of your mind, not wearing anything underneath?” he muttered against my lips. One of his palms, roughened from handling his blade, stroked up my inner thigh. He leaned on his elbow, and still kissing me, he grabbed my dick without the slightest sign of hesitation. His tongue tasted of toothpaste, but there was still cigarette bitterness left, even though he had clearly brushed his teeth for me.

I let him kiss me as he continued jacking me off. Even though something like this shouldn’t have ruffled my feathers, I was feeling all giddy inside and only hoped it did not show. To be able to do this with him again while he was all for it was the peak of happiness.

Our lips finally parted; his hand stopped, and he backed away a little, looking me in the face and studying my expression. “Your lipstick is smudged,” he said under his breath. He did not seem displeased with that fact; instead, there was a sparkle in his eye, and I could only wonder what he was imagining.

I glanced at his own lipstick-stained mouth for the second time that night, and I turned my head away to hide my embarrassment, reaching out to the bedside table drawer. There was lube in it, as I knew there would be, and I handed it to him.

“Here,” I said, my voice cracking a little again. “Or should I do it myself?”

Wordlessly, he took it from me and backed away, pushing my knees apart to kneel between them. As he squeezed out some of the lube into his palm, his eyes inadvertently met mine. My breath hitched and I looked away; for some reason, I felt as though he could read me like an open book. When I felt something cold at my rear, I clenched my teeth, and my eyelids fluttered shut.

The feeling of a foreign object entering my ass made me throb inside. His fingers were warm despite the still-cold lube on them, and I couldn’t but wish for more. I was rock hard, even though I drank a lot tonight. With him touching me like this, there was no way I wouldn’t be aroused, after all.

It was purely on accident that he grazed my prostate. I moaned loudly – and then I covered my mouth in shame. Clumsy as he was, I did not expect him to find it, so it caught me off-guard and I let out a sound I did not want him to hear.

He froze, suddenly becoming completely still. Dread instantly flooded me; did I put him off? I couldn’t read his expression at all. As I slowly turned as red as a tomato, he backed away and got up to his feet, staggering a little. I wanted to say something, but terrified that he was about to leave, I was unable to choke out a single word. His face was like a stone when he turned to look at me.

Unsteadily, he made his way to the bedside table, as I watched on in confusion, and he reached into the drawer. Inhaling deeply, he pulled out a pack of condoms and half-sat, half-collapsed onto the bed next to me. “We…” he coughed, clearing his throat, “we need to have one ready.” I couldn’t see his face as he said so.

“If you don’t want to do it after all, we can stop,” I said, though I felt like I was stabbing my own heart with each word.

“That’s not it,” he said immediately, finally turning to me. “I just…” his voice faded out; after a moment’s hesitation, he climbed back onto the bed and loomed over me. His lips neared mine, and as though he had become afraid, he gave me a trembling kiss. Hiding his face in my nape, he whispered, “That scared me.”

“What did?” I asked under my breath, taken aback by this unexpected vulnerability appearing between us.

“I almost slammed it in right then and there,” he shivered.

My heart skipped a beat. I understood far too well how unnatural and scary it was to feel levels of arousal I had never reached before; the fiend took my hand and led me through these lands without any regard for my opinion. However, thanks to that, I knew what shocked Hijikata so much, and I was ready and willing to help him with that. Above all else, though, I was immensely relieved that he did not find me gross moments ago. He said he was scared, but he accidentally gave me a much bigger scare. My heartbeat was still deafeningly loud.

I had never really been good with words in these situations – hence I never confessed to him – so I didn’t know what to say. _Perhaps it would be better for our bodies to do the talking_ , I thought, and I slowly slid my hand past his stomach and abdomen to reach under his towel. Though he tensed up, he let me do so, and I was glad to find him erect. I pulled the now useless towel off his hips and breathed into his ear, “Put it in me.”

He twitched and I could feel him hold his breath briefly. Without a word, he resumed his position between my legs, taking out a condom. Last time, he came inside and was probably worried about it, though he didn’t say a thing. As he put it on, our eyes met again and this time, it was my turn to hold my breath.

I couldn’t look away as he leaned closer and lined himself up with me, pushing my knees up. He entered me slowly and carefully, closing his eyes; this up close, I could see droplets here and there on his face, and I wasn’t sure if it was water from the shower he took, or just sweat. His dark bangs were sticking to his forehead. Going deeper, he let out a subconscious hiss between his teeth.

As soon as he was in me to the hilt, I grabbed his head and pulled him in for a kiss. I was hungry for it, and I didn’t give him the chance to regain his composure; trading intermittent breaths alongside our tangled tongues, we pressed our chests together.

I didn’t know whose heartbeat it was that I felt at that moment.

It hit me right then and there that I did not regret falling in love with him. I wanted to have him, to make him mine with all my might and to never let go, and if I had to spread my legs for it, then I would gladly do so over and over, until he became unable to think of anyone else. In a way, I was a lot like the fiend in that regard – Hijikata was to be mine, and mine only. I was no longer willing to restrain myself.

Slowly, he drew his hips back, and I whimpered into his mouth. The heat emanating from him and lack of oxygen were making me dizzy, but I did not want to stop kissing him for a second. I held onto him tightly, closing my eyes as I slowly allowed myself to completely lose my mind in the warmth he was giving me.

He backed away a little, and in turn, a subconscious _no_ escaped my mouth like a mere sigh. In that moment, I caught myself staring into his dark eyes like a fool, with lips parted and saliva running down my chin, as though I wanted something from him. I looked away quickly, clenching my teeth. Even if I was determined not to let him go, I was not ready to give myself away just yet, and definitely not like this.

I heard him click his tongue, and he thrust his hips forcefully. I clutched his shoulders and bit my lip, unable to hold back a whimper.

His hand found its way to my crotch to grab my dick. I didn’t really need that, not anymore, not in the state I was in – but I had no objections.

Except one.

I wasn’t just going to let him do whatever.

“Wait,” I said, and he paused immediately. That was unexpected; with the fiend, it was different, since he knew exactly how to exploit my weak points and where to push the right buttons to make me stray off the straight narrow path. Hijikata had no powers allowing him to do such a thing, and he didn’t know what I had in mind, so when I stopped him, he showed a perplexed expression.

I pushed on his chest and he backed away, clearly confused. “Is there something wrong?” he asked.

“No, but pull out for a moment,” I shook my head. A longer sentence such as that one betrayed me and it was clear that my voice was unsteady.

Hijikata carefully did as I told him to. “What is…” he began, but was cut off as I pulled him down onto the bed and climbed on top of him, straddling his lap.

“Yep, this is better after all,” I breathed out as I reached behind myself to put Hijikata’s back in. _You should be under me for once,_ I thought, _since I am a man too_. The tip of his cock opened me up just as easily as before, and he inhaled unsteadily when I lowered my hips. I could my skin turn hot and I was probably red like a lobster, but now that we were like this, I had a sudden moment of clarity.

I had no need for this clumsy gentleness he was treating me with. It was nice and all, but now that he got me horny – which, to be fair, was an easy task – I wanted more. A while ago, if he had given in to his sudden urge, I would have been much more content. Before I had fallen prey to the fiend and my own desires, I was ready to either never confess or have him hate me until the end of days.

I narrowed my eyes and watched his red face through my eyelashes. He seemed worried, and that pissed me off a little. “If you have time to worry,” I let out and clenched my insides while simultaneously lifting my hips, “focus on this instead.” I leaned backwards, and bracing myself on his legs, I began moving. Slowly at first, but then, when I found out I had no problems being in that position, I picked up the pace. At this angle, somehow I managed to hit my good spot with almost every thrust; I stopped caring about my voice being heard, and I just closed my eyes as I kept going.

Suddenly, there was movement, and a pair of arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer. Again, just like yesterday, we ended up in this position; this time around, though, he was stark naked, and the reason he held me was different.

I grabbed his shoulders and continued, not wanting to stop. He let go of me briefly, but his hands found their way to my hips soon after, and he kissed my nipple lightly. When he sucked it in his mouth, I clenched my teeth. I was close to coming, and he was probably in the same way, because he held me tighter.

Losing control of everything briefly, I held his head tightly close to my chest and came, shuddering. I was kneeling with barely the tip of him in me left when it happened; a heartbeat after, even before my vision turned back to normal, he pushed me onto my back. He came with just two more thrusts of his hips, and then, with his cock still deep in my ass, he lay down on top of me, panting.

We stayed still for a few moments. He was warm and his skin was sticky with sweat, and I closed my eyes to enjoy the after-afterglow.

“Hey,” he muttered right next to my ear, “can we… become exclusive? The two of us.”

 _What?!_ My heart, though it was almost calm already, sped up again, probably aiming for the world record. “Are you serious?” I said eventually, heavily doubting my ears.

“I did take you here with that intention,” he said simply; he sounded a little out of breath. He leaned his chin on my chest, looking me in the eyes with sincerity. “To ask you out properly.”

“Wait.” I clenched my teeth briefly in discomfort; the high was slowly wearing off, and staying like this was now unpleasant. “Pull out first.” Once he did so, I sat up and got off the bed; as I reached for the tissue box prepared there by the staff of this love hotel, I heard sounds I recognised as a condom being taken off.

Wiping off things I didn’t want to dry on my skin later, I asked, “Why?”

I couldn’t believe it. Naturally, I couldn’t believe it. There was no way we would have ended up like this if it weren’t for the fiend, and the only conclusion I could draw from that was that it was just his sense of responsibility rearing its ugly head again, even though I didn’t ask for any of that.

Without looking at him, I threw the box of tissues onto the bed. Then, deciding that I need a cure for my parched throat, I turned towards the hotel room fridge. Water was for free, so I took a bottle out and opened it.

“You ask why, but isn’t it kind of obvious?” he finally responded.

“Obvious?” I repeated. “There’s nothing obvious about any of this,” I added as I brought the bottle up to my lips.

“Well, you like me, right?” Hijikata leaned back, looking at me.

I choked on my drink. Panic surged through my entire body. What? What?! WHAT?! I met his eyes. He seemed calm and collected, much more than myself at least. He knew?! Since when?! What did I do to give myself away?! I took a few erratic breaths, then I said in a tone that came out hopelessly broken, “E… Even if that’s the case… there is no reason for you to go along with it.” I was upset that I couldn’t keep it under wraps.

Unless it was somehow the fiend’s doing? Maybe their memories really had conjoined. If that was true, then… what was I going to do?

“I feel like you got it wrong somehow,” he got up too and walked over to me, still in Adam’s garb, just like me. He took the free water bottle from my petrified hand and with faint blush staining his cheeks, he said, looking into my eyes, “I wouldn’t suggest something like that if I didn’t _want_ it.”

“How long have you known?” I breathed out, looking away. Even if everything seemed to be turning out unbelievably great, I felt utterly mortified and exposed.

“Hmm? I figured it out yesterday,” he said. “When I asked you if you wanted to have sex with a man, you pulled such a face… everything kind of fell into place at that moment.” He hesitated. “Well, not everything, but your behaviour suddenly started making sense. And… it made me think that I regretted having done all that terrible shit to you. We could have had a different start. A better one.”

I let out a forced chuckle. “There’s no way. The only person in this world more stubborn than me is you, after all. You and I are both guys, nothing would happen if it weren’t for _that_. Both of us would eventually settle for someone else. You wouldn’t even see me in such light,” I added, finally completely admitting to the fact that I wanted him to want me, that I wanted him to think of me in that way.

He clicked his tongue and in a single step, he closed the remaining distance between us. We stood chest-to-chest, eye-to-eye, and I could feel my face heat up instantly.

His hand sneaked to my rear, and without any forewarning, he slipped his finger inside. I clenched my teeth, and I was about to give him an earful, but he spoke first.

“I’ve thought this before,” he said, grabbing my lower jaw strongly with his other hand, not allowing me to look away from his eyes unless I put up some serious resistance, “but this place gets used to it far too quickly. Am I the only one who’s had you like this, or were there others?”

I punched him in the stomach without holding back. “As if,” I snapped, watching him back away as he bent over. “In the first place, the only guy I’d spread my legs for is you, bastard!”

He straightened up slowly, wincing. “… Sorry,” he said after a pause. “It’s just… I don’t remember ever feeling this good. You seem kind of used to it.”

I covered my eyes with my hand both in exasperation and in secret joy I took in knowing that he enjoyed himself. “It was you,” I muttered. “As if you didn’t know.” _Your body, at least._ I was not really sure if that counted as being with someone else or not, but I decided to leave that sort of discussion for later.

“You sure?” he said doubtfully. “What you did there was obscene, and I have no recollection of—” he began. Irked beyond measure, I walked over to him and pushed him a few steps backwards towards the bed. Taken aback by this, he didn’t put up any resistance.

When he ended up falling backwards on the crumpled sheets, I loomed over him. “It was _your_ cock that made me pant night after night until I couldn’t get a hold of myself.” Truth, even though the fiend was possessing him at the time.

I continued, not letting him speak up. “It’s because of you that I’m now able to cum just from my ass.” Truth; if the fiend didn’t catch a wind of my longing, none of this would have happened.

As I said that, Hijikata turned red in the face. “It was you who made me find out just how much of a sex drive I can have, and it was you who turned me into a pervert.” Lie; that was only and purely the fiend’s doing.

Hijikata looked like he wanted to say something, but I had yet to finish. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Oogushi-kun. I have a high sex drive. I don’t mind when you get a little rough sometimes. I am also overbearing, I get jealous a lot, I and am a coward who was willing to hide this feeling until the end of his days. And above all, I’m suuuuuuuuper possessive. I’m more possessive than a demon,” I said with a bitter chuckle, “and if the two of us become an item, I am not letting you go. Think carefully. Is that what you want?”

He looked me in the eye. His hand shot up and grabbed the back of my head, and he forcefully pulled me down for a kiss. “If it’s that or letting you run off to find someone else,” he said firmly, “bring it on.”

Something inside me that had been tightly restrained until this moment finally broke free, and I collapsed onto him, resting my face in his nape. There were things I had yet to tell him, but for now, I just inhaled deeply and relaxed, not wanting to get off this bed ever in this lifetime.

“Thank you,” I whispered into his ear. It wasn’t meant as much for Hijikata as for the demon who was perhaps sleeping somewhere inside of him. Maybe, I hoped, he heard me. I could only be eternally grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo it has ended. How was it? Did you like it? Let me know what you thought. I might be planning an extra, but that's yet to be decided. Feel free to check out my other works, too.  
> If you're still waiting for the unfinished ones to be updated, rest assured—it's gonna happen. I just had a lot on my plate until now. Uni is good, but it's super time-consuming.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hesitate to share your thoughts! :)


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